She Becomes...

Just a Nudge

2012-02-07T22:03:00.000-08:00

Before my last visit to Zimbabwe, as I was fundraising, sorting and packing clothes for 40 children, all while working 50 hours a week and searching for my sanity, I felt one of those nudges.

You know, those quiet nudges God gives that could easily be (and often are) ignored.

Although I got the nudge shortly before my flight, I decided to take a few moments and consider what God was asking of me.

In this case, it was the simple act of developing a few pictures of my friends in Zimbabwe to take with me as gifts. After way more thought than necessary, I decided to take the few minutes required to order some photos (randomly) online, then drove the long grueling 3 blocks to pick them up. (Funny how I was about to fly across the planet in obedience, yet I was nearly unwilling to drive the 3 blocks).

Long story kinda short, I developed about 20 photos, packed them away, and didn't think much about it.

(I must stop here and say that as I left for Zimbabwe, I did not know who would be there when I arrived. I did not know which children would have been passed around to live with other family members, as orphans often are. I knew a few of the children/family members had passed away, but I knew there were many more who Tecla was waiting to tell me about in person. Basically, I didn't know if the people in the pictures I developed would even be there to give them to.)

Sadly, when I arrived, I learned that there were many who had passed away, one of whom was MaSeba. MaSeba and her son, Sebastian, were two of the hardest workers while in 2006-2007 we built 3 houses in their community (one being their own). They were also always cheerful, kind, and generous- even when it seemed as though they had nothing more to give. The kind of beautiful, wonderful people who give you hope for humanity in this crazy world.

One of the first mornings of my trip, Sebastian came to the lodge to visit (at a bright and early 6:30am, I might add). The first thing he told me was that his mother had died. I really had no words to give him as I looked into his eyes and saw his broken heart.

Then I remembered....

The pictures.

I handed him this photo, unsure how he would react:

He ran his finger slowly over the photo, and after a moment of silence, he looked up at me and said,

"It's my mom...."

He had tears in his eyes, but his smile was the biggest I have ever seen.

It was one of those rare moments when things makes sense, and I wondered if God would send a girl all the way to Africa just so one of his sweet children could see his mom's face again.

And I am pretty should He would.

It also makes me wonder,

What would happen if we responded to all of God's nudges?

Letting Go

2012-02-05T16:43:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago I wrote about learning to be still and letting go. Since writing that post, God has been teaching me a little about what letting go means.

Letting go means taking my burdens and my need to carry the hurts of the world off my shoulders and handing them over to God.

Letting go means surrendering any delusion of control.

Letting go does not mean loving any less.

Letting go does not mean my heart breaking any less for the things that break the heart of God.

Letting go does not make my heart hurt any less for a hurting world.

I have stopped trying to make my own way and my own plans for Zimbabwe. But my love for the people there has not dwindled in the least.

If anything, my dreams of Zimbabwe have multiplied. Not dreams of me in anyway fullfilling their needs. Not goals of things to accomplish. But actual dreams, nearly every night, where God blesses me with life-like moments spent just being there with people I love and miss.

At this point, I don't know if or when I'll get to go there again, but I do know that I have family in Zimbabwe, and I will always have family in Zimbabwe. And because their stories are now part of mine, I will continue to share them here, with the hope that you can learn a little more about life and love from them, just as I have.

More goodness coming soon...

Just Call Me Meemaw

2012-02-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

Yep. Gonna be a grandma(ish).

She's the closest thing I have to a daughter (in my heart it's the real deal). And she is having a baby.

Come August life is going to get Kuh-Ray-Zee.
But it's also going to get ~~a little~~ a lot more beautiful.

The List

2012-01-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

In honor of my big 30 coming up and freaking out ~~a bit~~ a lot about not knowing what I want or am supposed to do with my life at this ripe old age, I decided it was time to brush off the old "bucket list".

Some of these were written as far back as elementary school (#46), and some are recent additions (#27, #45). Some are of high importance (#25, #30), and one is the result of an hour of shame after running across Jersey Shore while I was housesitting (#47, and I should never be given access to cable). Some things have been removed as I realized I no longer had a desire to be on Fear Factor or live life as a train jumper, and according to my rules that is completely okay. I am sure I will continue to add things as well.

So, my friends, here it is. If anyone cares, you can see my progress through clicking on "The List" tab on top of my home page (I'll be adding in some pictures there as well). If you have posted a life list, feel free to share your link in the comments. I am always intrigued to see what is on other's lists as well (and sometimes steal good ideas).

1. See Aurora Borealis in real life

2. ~~Hug a stranger~~

3. ~~Live in a third-world country~~

4. Walk the Via Dolorosa

5. See the pyramids

6. ~~Go skydiving~~

7. ~~Get lost in Italy~~

8. Run or walk a half-marathon

9. ~~Donate hair to locks of love~~

10. ~~Ride a camel~~

11. Eat dolma in Turkey

12. ~~Run an after-school program~~

13. ~~Become a mentor~~

14. ~~Go bungee jumping~~

15. ~~Preach in a prison~~

16. ~~Ride on a train and do lots of other amazing stuff in India~~

17. ~~Meet Dilsly in India~~

18. Work with street children in Bangladesh

19. Meet Elahi in Bangladesh

20. Love on orphans in Haiti

21. Meet Lorkems in Haiti

22. Meet Ruth in Uganda

23. Be a better friend (ongoing)

24. ~~Learn how to bellydance~~

25. Adopt

26. ~~Learn how to cook traditional Middle-Eastern food~~ (kubbeh, dolma, hummus, tabouli, lentil soup; YUM)

27. Learn how to fly fish

28. Master cooking a complete Indian meal

29. Learn about my Cherokee ancestors and see where my grandparents and great-grandparents were born

30. See Bethany and Erin find their forever family

31. Write down memoirs as told by my grandparents

32. ~~Hang out with elephants in Africa~~ (elephants are the best)

33. ~~Dance in the rain~~

34. ~~Dine with the homeless~~

35. Love my neighbors (ongoing)

36. Grow my own vegetable garden and share with my neighbors

37. Grow my own flower garden and take friends fresh flowers just because

38. ~~Learn how to swing dance~~

39. ~~Go sailing in South Africa~~

40. Meet Nelson Mandela

41. ~~Forgive~~ (God knows the specifics)

42. ~~Learn how to change a tire~~

43. ~~Fall in love in Mexico~~

44. ~~Get a tattoo~~

45. Help deliver a baby

46. ~~Win a hoola-hooping contest~~

47. Taste fried pickles

48. Discover the best albondigas in the world and then learn how to make them

49. Meet Cat, Melissa, and Mark in real life (preferably in conjunction with loving on some orphans)

Confessions part 5

2012-01-24T22:14:00.000-08:00

*Today one of my students told me to stop being so weird. Excuse me, but let's use the word quirky from now on, kay?

*The Neverending Story scares the crap out of me (thanks for reminding me, Cat).

*I sneak Target popcorn into the movies (let me clarify: $3 movies), usually as well as a vanilla coke from Sonic, assuming it's happy hour. I'm a rebel at heart. And cheap.

*Turning 30 in a few months is messing with my mind.

*I eat my hamburgers from the outside in (in a circular pattern).

*I like canned sardines with ritz crackers, and I eat avocados with salt and a spoon.

*One time as I was flirting I tried to smoothly glide on top of a picnic table and I fell between the bench and table. And I was wearing a dress.

*In 8th grade I wore black lipstick. In 9th grade I grew up and wore silver (but only on special occasions).

*I left my heart in the 90's. With long haired men, flannel, holey jeans, and anything grunge. It's a happier place.

*Last week on American Idol they followed a contestant who lives in a tent in the middle of the woods...and part of me was jealous.

Okay, now I'm going go look for something I've lost, and shortly after try to remember what I am looking for. And that's my life.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

2012-01-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

My roomate is in the kitchen making cookies, and just realized we are out of baking soda. I promptly turned to ask.com to find if there is, in fact, a substitution for baking soda. I found a possible answer, but being as helpful as ask.com is, they didn't stop there. They oh so kindly offered me a "similar" search to help me out...

How to make crack.

After much deliberation we decided to stick to the snickerdoodles. But thanks anyways, ask.com.

What a wonderful age of technology we live in with the world at our fingertips.

On another note...

Today I went hiking with a friend and my dog. And yes, I remembered my "Bear Attack Deterrent". When I came home and checked out the pictures I discovered that I had walked around all day with Punky Brewster hair. Oh, and yes, I went to church like this too:

This would actually be a really cute picture if I was six...and it was 1988.

Anyhoo...hope your Sunday was as lovely as mine.

Slumber No More

2012-01-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

Awaken.

Yep, 2012, that's my word.

My favorite part is that I know God gave me this word, because honestly, I'm not really sure what it even means- atleast not in relation to my life and the next year. Plus, I know it was God because I am always on time- usually early- and, well, God was a little late on this one. On January 1st I was tempted to just choose my own word, but then I figured that if the word comes from me and not Him, it's not really worth all the to-do. Plus, God controls all this time stuff anyways...and I hear that His timing is always perfect.

Perfect it was, indeed. The very day God put this word on my heart, I cashed in a giftcard for the new Needtobreathe album.

I downloaded the c.d. as I rushed out the door to the airport. A few hours later, on the plane to Colorado, fully absorbed in the wonderful that is Needtobreathe, these words rang through my ears and made me want to jump out of my seat and dance:

Days they force you
Back under those covers
Lazy mornings they multiply
But glory's waiting
Outside your window
So wake on up from your slumber
And open up your eyes
....
Tongues are violent
Personal and focused
Tough to beat with
Your steady mind
But hearts are stronger after broken
So wake on up from your slumber
And open up your eyes
...
All these victims
Stand in line for
The crumbs that fall from the table
Just enough to get by
All the while
Your invitation
Wake on up from your slumber
Come on open up your eyes
(Slumber- Needtobreathe- The Reckoning)

Coincidence or confirmation, only God knows, but I have to say that I am so excited to see how God opens up my eyes this year.

P.S. click here for some ear candy :)

The Women- Best of 2011

2011-12-28T10:35:00.000-08:00

(This is a repost for the "Best of 2011" hosted by Shanda at A Pause on the Path. The post, entitled The Women, was my most viewed post of 2011, and was written on April 23, 2011).

As I have read through the gospel accounts of the crucifixion and resurrection this week, I have taken special notice of one thing.

All four accounts are different, touching on different details of this story of ultimate sacrifice, and emphasizing different things in the story. But there is one thing that has stood out to me that all four gospels have in common….one detail that they are all sure to mention:

The women.

If you read through all four gospels, you will see that there was a large crowd of women with Jesus on the day he suffered for our sins.

They were with Jesus as he, beaten and bloodied, carried his heavy cross up the Via Dolorosa. They watched as his physical body gave way and could no longer carry the weight. (Luke 26-27)

The women were there as the guards tore off his clothing and cast lots for his undergarment. They were there as the nails pounded through his hands and feet, as his body cramped from dehydration and pain. (John 19:25, Mark 15:40, Matthew 27:55-56)

The women witnessed Jesus, as he hung dying on the cross, reach out to the criminal next to him. As people spat on him and mocked him, he loved. As a mother watched her son die, as these women watched their Savior suffer, they also watched him tenderly save a lost sheep. (Luke 23:42-43)

As Jesus experienced the ultimate form of humiliation, he showed ultimate humility.

The women were there as, with all his strength, Jesus cried out to his Father God. And the women were there in the moment he breathed his last breath.

In every step of Christ’s suffering, many women walked beside him. They did not have to. Their salvation was surely not at stake. In fact, most of the men who are present throughout the gospels are absent in these few chapters.

It was not an easy thing to do, to walk beside Jesus. But when women have passion, it is fierce, and as we see here, it is unstoppable. It can withstand the mocking and humiliation, intimidation and fear, and likely the hardest of all, the passion of a woman can withstand the sorrow.

Their mission was not to stop the crucifixion, because this was the most crucial event in history. Their mission was to be there: to be with Jesus, to not leave his side.

As Jesus suffered, he looked out into the crowd, and amongst the jeers and the hatred, his eyes met the gazes of those who loved him, those who reminded him of the beauty of salvation amidst all the ugliness of sin.

These women spent much time with Jesus during his life, and they were with him in those sacred moments leading up to his death. In these moments they learned.

They learned love, humility, and strength. These seeds that were already planted in them from creation were grown, and they were in full bloom on this day.

As we know, on the third day Christ rose. As we celebrate this day, the most important day in history, and as we sing praises to our God who sacrificed all, I ask that we, as women, would spend time here.

Here: in the pages of history, on the Via Dolorosa, in the crowd at Golgotha, at the foot of the cross, and at the empty tomb.

Spend time with your savior, gaze into his eyes, and allow him to grow the seeds of your heart. He has given you the mission to walk with the weak, to stand in the midst of fear, to look into the eyes of the suffering, to show humility in the face of humiliation, and to be beauty in a world of ugly.

As you spend more time with him, pray that the passion he has placed in you will become fierce and unstoppable.

Spend time here, and see what blooms.

Double the Blessing

2011-12-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

(I am reposting this because I have noticed that many of you wonderful people who have shared Bethany's button on your blogs have not yet traded it out for the new one.)

For all of my wonderful friends helping me in advocating for dear Bethany to find her family, there has been an exciting update!

Checking in with Reece's Rainbow today, I discovered that Bethany has a beautiful sister named Erin, and Reece's Rainbow is now hoping to find a family for Bethany and Erin, together.

Bethany, born March 2006

This news warms my heart, with the comfort of knowing this sweet girl has family close to her, and there is hope in them being adopted together.

It also makes me sad. Erin is younger than Bethany, and she is in HIV clinical staging 4, which means that her HIV is progressing to full blown AIDS. Bethany is not far behind, at clinical staging of 3. This is all the more reason that these special girls need to go home to their family soon, where they can receive all the medical treatment they need, as well as experience the love that every daughter deserves.

Erin, born December 2006

Love is healing, you know.

Since Bethany and Erin's profile's have now been combined, I have created them a new button!

If you have the old button, you will need to replace it with this button (I mean, who wouldn't want this cuteness on their blog anyways, right?) But really, the old button has the previous link, and will lead to "page not found". So please, I would be so grateful if you would add this new button to all your wonderful blogs, and help me find a family for these sweet sisters.

Thanks friends!

God Bless,

Still

2011-12-19T14:54:00.000-08:00

Over the last fifteen or so years there is a scene that has repeatedly played in my mind. A young woman is in the ocean, completely underwater. Although I am watching the scene unfold, the young woman is me. I have seaweed wrapped around my ankle. In an attempt to break free, I begin twisting and turning, kicking and wrestling, until eventually I am completely entangled in the seaweed, drowning as it is holding me beneath the surface. Just as it seems that I have lost the battle, in exhaustion I am quiet just long enough to hear a voice say, "Let go."

As I stop struggling, the current of the water loosens the seaweed, and I am freed.

Last year at this time I was here:

In Beautiful Zimbabwe

At one time not so long ago, I thought this would be my home. I gave up so much to be here. But four months after my move, four months after giving up my career, relationships, and leaving my family, and after four months of being chewed up, Zimbabwe (i.e. Mugabe's government) spit me out.

I spent many months twisting and turning and getting tangled up in worry about how and why I left. I was not given a choice, but I couldn't help but question if I fought hard enough to stay. And I couldn't help but wonder if my little ones felt abandoned (again).

Then last year at this time God blessed me with the chance to go back. With my return I was not sure what I would find. I was not sure why God was allowing me return. Was my job not done? Or was this visit to be the closure I needed?

I spent my planned 20 days there, and left with new hopes and new disappointments.

In all honesty, this trip left me twisting and turning and struggling just as before.

I have continued striving to make up for not being there, for plans that were never completed, for change that I couldn't bring. In the last year I have made many personal investments of time and money in an attempt to pay off my "debt" of unfulfilled promises. They were good investments for good causes, but they have made no change in how I feel.

Classrooms built in the Binga Villages

The problem with these investments is that they have been made in my own attempt to "make things right." And the problem with my actions is that for awhile I thought I could actually accomplish something through my own power.

Recently I was having a heart-to-heart with my mentor about how I am just so confused and stuck, not sure where God wants me. And Zimbabwe and my involvement there continues to be the biggest weight, lying heavily on my chest, making it hard to breathe or think clearly. In regards to my present and future I keep asking God "what" and "where" and "who." Then she gently gave me the spiritual equivalent of a good woopin', and she asked me how much I am actually still before God.

Still.

Not asking or wanting or whining. Not twisting or turning or wrestling.

Just still.

My answer...well, it didn't really come out in words, it came out in tears.

That conversation was a month ago. I have stopped focusing on getting an answer, but have started focusing on being in a relationship with the Lord where I can hear His voice. I am learning to quiet myself so I am able to hear him however he chooses to speak, even if it is as small as a gentle whisper.

He has not given me any huge revelations as of yet, but there is one thing I have heard him speak clearly to my heart.

Two simple words:

"Let Go."

And just like that, in God's simple yet inexplicable way, he has taken my yoke upon him, and I can breathe.

Cracking Open Steel Doors

2011-12-18T20:58:00.000-08:00

Many of you who have been around here for awhile know that I really have a heart for the persecuted church. From researching more about the persecuted church, I have learned that the number one country where it is the hardest to be a Christian, and the hardest to share the gospel, is North Korea.

Even apart from religion, North Koreans are a very controlled, manipulated, and stifled people. God broke my heart for this country last year when I attended a Voice of the Martyrs conference and was able to hear more inside information about what goes on inside the country's borders. If you would like to read some basic information about North Korea, its religion, leadership, and the persecution of Christians, I wrote a post about it here.

Having said all this, I write this to say that today it was announced that Kim Jong-il died on Saturday from a heart attack.

Kim Jong-il has been the leader of North Korea since his father passed away in 1994, and continued in the example of his father's strong hand over the people. You can read more about his death here.

I wanted to share this with you all, because this is a big deal. Kim Jong-il chose his third son, Kim Jong-un, to be his successor. His son has been raised with the same ideals as his father, and his father before him. But with the change of leadership, I ask that we, as the church, pray. Pray for this new leader's heart. That it will be softened for his people, and that it would be opened to new ideas, and ultimately the love of Christ.

So many dictators and communist leaders have been removed and/or died recently, and in a way I feel like the doors of hope and opportunity are being cracked open. We can't physically go and break down the heavy steel doors of corruption and oppression in these places, but we can join the battle spiritually.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:12-13

So, my friends, let's pray.

Sometimes I Actually Know What I'm Talking About

2011-12-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

From today's World News (taken from The Guardian):

"Conflict diamonds are to be used to fund a new campaign of violence by President Robert Mugabe's regime against his political opponents in Zimbabwe as elections loom.

Environmental experts are blaming the "utter failure" of the Kimberley Process, set up in 2003 to monitor conflict diamonds and stop them reaching mainstream outlets, for allowing Mugabe and his allies to siphon off millions of dollars in profits from Zimbabwean diamonds, which have now gone on sale...

This weekend, Anjin Investments, a Chinese-led venture in Zimbabwe in partnership with Mugabe's government, announced it was now the world's biggest diamond producer, with a stockpile of three million carats to sell. The company, which thanked the Kimberley Process for its backing, is funding a new military college in the country.

Reports from Zimbabwe suggest the feared Central Information Organisation (CIO), Mugabe's secret police, is flush with cash, and has bought hundreds of vehicles and weapons from China in recent months. Salaries have been increased and thousands of new officers are being trained, raising concerns that they will be used to intimidate voters in next year's elections." Read the article in its entirety

Dear Kimberely Process,

I told you so...

Not your biggest fan,

The Things We Can't Take With Us

2011-12-16T22:55:00.000-08:00

The other day, while standing in a long line, I watched a little girl in front of me transform from a sweet and joyful daughter to a product of our ugly materialistic society. One moment she was talking and giggling with her mom, and the next she was threatening to bite, scream, and kick if she did not get the toy she wanted. The event concluded with a "compromise"...the mother bought the toy, but the daughter would get it in her stocking on Christmas.

This situation is in no way uncommon. Especially during this season of more, more, more. But somehow it still deeply saddens me.

I feel sad for these children who are being deceived into believing that these earthly and temporary things will somehow make them happy or keep them happy.

For Christ to leave his heavenly throne and be born into this dirty ugly world, it took heapings of humility, to say the least. And he did not come rich or attractive or with status. He came humbly, in every sense of the word.

Yet somehow we have made this holiday about status, money, and us. We can be truly arrogant, ignorant, ugly beings.

Yet He came to save us.

One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 6:19-21:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal...

So, this Christmas season, let us focus less on those things we can't take with us, the temporary happy. Let us instead find our treasure in the only One who can bring true and everlasting joy.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

The Day of Small Things

2011-12-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

*Over Thanksgiving week I ran next door to my neighbor's house each day to feed and pet their kitty cat. No big deal. Then yesterday they surprised me with a "Thank You" card and gift card to Target. I spent the evening debating if I would use the card on some boring necessities, or put the money towards a much needed, new, and bit more exciting jacket. I really weighed my options, and decided my 10-year-old jacket would be more than adequate for another year.

Then, this morning my coworker and friend, who recently blessed me with some gently-used, much-needed, new-to-me jeans, gave me this:

a beautiful, warm, wonderful coat. She said it's been hanging in her closet, rarely worn. She felt it was being wasted, just sitting there taking up space. I promise you, I have dreamed of this exact coat. It's red. And it will forever remind me of how He provides: How He loves. So thankful.

*Last night I rolled change I have been saving for my Haiti and/or Bangladesh fund. Mere change that clutters ash trays, pennies that people toss aside on the sidewalks, coins that fall forgotton between the couch cushions. And guess what, my friends? Two hundred and seventy-two dollars. That's $272 closer to hugging one of my ~~babies~~ young men.

*Then, to top it all off, today my friend Sarah posted this:

Sarah traveled to Haiti last month with Compassion, and I was able to send along some cards with photos and stickers to be given to unsponsored children. This sweetie pie got one of my cards, and I love her :) This picture is like a hug from Haiti.

Tonight I sit here, feeling so very loved. Thankful for the things that the world may see as small, but are so very big.

How have you experienced the Father's love lately?

Accidental Latitude

2011-12-07T23:21:00.000-08:00

A year and a half ago my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery, and it was discovered that the cancer had spread to several lymph nodes. The prognosis was not good. We thought that she would be celebrating her next Christmas face to face with Jesus.

Now here we are, coming up on her second Christmas since then, and as far as they can tell she is cancer free.

Soon after surgery my grandma received some of the best cancer treatment possible, including some of the newest medications. In fact, studies are being done on her because when you factor in her age and prognosis, her life is nothing short of a miracle. (But really, is any life short of a miracle? )

Along with the medical professionals, family stepped in. My mom did some research, and created a daily "smoothie" for her which consists of every single immunity-boosting, cancer-fighting fruit and vegetable on planet Earth. These physical factors, along with being completely surrounded in prayer, have healed my grandma.

We are humbled and so very very thankful that God has allowed us to spend more time with her here in this temporary home in these temporary bodies.

But today I realized how much I take this for granted.

Today I received a letter from my Compassion daughter, Ruth, in Uganda. She is 19 and lives in a very rural area. She has never been to a city. Her family's average income is $8...a year.

Ruth is a prayer warrior, and has been on her knees for my grandma. In the letter I recieved today she told me that breast cancer is prevalent in her community as well as the surrounding villages.

What she told me next was the most awakening.

When women in her village are diagnosed with breast cancer, "they cut off their breasts and pray."

She went on to tell me that for this very reason we must be prepared every day to go onto our heavenly home, because there is nothing more we can do.

First, I must point out that in many ways she is right. We should be prepared for death at every moment. We are human, and God is God, and He can take us home whenever he wants, and no doctor can stop him.

But, God has given us a world full of potential cures and the intelligence to use them.

The only problem is that there are still so many who, simply because of their location or income, cannot access these wonders.

At times it feels as though the gap is closing. But then I realize that there are those of us who live in a country where, even if you don't have a penny to your name, you can benefit from most modern and life saving discoveries. And at the very same time, in the very same world, people are dying of diarrhea.

There are people in our world who take rocket ships to space and walk on the moon, and in the very same world people walk for days in order to reach the most basic medical care.

I have now walked through cancer with my stepmom and both of my grandmas. Two out of three of them conquered the disease, but all three of them were given the chance.

A chance that millions of people around the world are still not given, even today.

It's just another thing that breaks my heart, and another thing that I cannot fix.

But I can help. We can help.

In 2009 my Compassion daughter, Dilsly, had surgery to remove a lump in her breast. Her mother died of breast cancer when she was not much older than Dilsly, so immediate action was taken thanks to regular exams. None of this would have been possible if Dilsly was not part of Compassion's program. Dilsly could easily have been one of the many who are so close, but are unable to cross the barrier of poverty to receive medical care.

But thanks to Compassion, her medical needs are taken care of.

Thanks to Compassion, and other organizations like them, we are given the opportunity to help.

So, thank you, Compassion, for giving children a chance. Thank you for giving us a chance to stand in the gap.

And thank you, Father, that I live in a place where I can access a doctor and medication for something as simple as a cold. Thank you for creating us with the knowledge to create life saving medication. And thank you that I will get to celebrate yet another Christmas with my grandma. May I take not a moment of this for granted.

"We can be the generation that no longer accepts that an accident of latitude determines whether a child lives or dies. But will we be that generation?" -Bono

God Bless,

Not Too Late

2011-12-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

Last week Mother Nature decided to wipe out several trees and power lines in my neighborhood. Because of this I was unable to check email or wash my hair for a few days. But the worst part was that I missed a very important opportunity to bring awareness to an issue close to my heart.

Thursday, December 1, was World AIDS Day.

I am very excited looking back at blogs from last week to see that so many of you used your voice to speak up about AIDS. I briefly debated if I should still post on this issue, being several days late, but decided that AIDS is something that millions of people live with every day, and today, like every day, another 5,000 people will die from AIDS related causes. Needless to say, it is never too late.

There are many ways that you can join in the battle against this disease, but here are a few of my favorite:
Sponsor a child who lives in an AIDS affected area through Compassion International.
Advocate for or adopt a HIV+ orphan.
Join ONE to stay updated on AIDS initiatives and projects around the world.

And may we never forget to show our love and respect to those infected,

Honor the lives of those taken too soon,

And have compassion for the many left behind.

God Bless,

Bears Beware

2011-12-04T12:57:00.000-08:00

I spent Thanksgiving day with my dad.

The last time I saw my dad was shortly after the great bear adventure of 2011.

Naturally, as soon as I walked through the door on Thanksgiving day, my dad handed me a magazine and this (holster included):

The magazine was opened to a four page article about a man who had been attacked by a bear in California.

I read the article and accepted the gift graciously, and understood that in "dad language" he was saying,

"I love you and I do not want you to be mauled to death by a bear."

He also suggested I keep it with me, even in town, as it works on humans just as well.

So, I would like to say a big thank you to my dad in taking a proactive stand in me not being eaten by a bear.

And to all the bears out there:

Beware. It's locked and loaded.

World Changers

2011-11-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

Esther. Nelson Mandela. Saint Nicholas. Eleanor Roosevelt. Louis Armstrong. Steve Jobs. Billie Holiday. Ella Fitzgerald. Leo Tolstoy. John Lennon. George Washington Carver. Carol Burnett. J.R.R. Tolkien.

All these people have two things in common:

They are all talented people who have used their gifts to change the world.

They are all orphans.

And there are many more like them. Some world changers are known far and wide, and some are known only by those lucky enough to be in the same corner of the world.

I can't help but wonder how many world changers are sitting in orphanges today. How many children who were created to be freedom fighters are being held in bondage of child slavery. My heart breaks as I wonder how many talents are being smothered by the cold and vulnerability of the streets tonight.

Orphaned by bereavement or death, it is a lonely, broken, and vulnerable place to be. But we must remember that it is in brokeness that Christ makes whole. It is in weakness that Christ is strength. It is in the lonliness that Christ is Love.

Each of these precious ones were created with unique talents and gifts that no one else can give the world.

So, I ask, how are you being the hands and feet of Christ to the 143 million orphans in the world today?

Here are just a few ways you can support these children in reaching their full potential:

Adopt
Become a foster parent
Advocate for an orphan
Become a Prayer Warrior
Sponsor an orphan through Compassion International
Give these girls in India a Home for the Holidays
And, as always, you can share Bethany's link to help me find her family, or make a donation towards the cost of her adoption.

Have any more ideas? Please share.
Oh, and happy National Adoption Day!

“My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."
-Derek Loux

Why Diamonds are NOT This Girl's Best Friend

2011-11-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

Diamonds.

They are rocks.

Rocks that men use to swoon their women.

Rocks that women use to flaunt their wealth, or their man's wealth.

Diamonds hypnotize the masses and delude the hoards into believing they add some kind of value or meaning to their life, therefore convincing them to pay ridiculous prices for appearances.

But the biggest price, the real price, is paid by the innocent. The innocent whose only crime is being born in a place where diamonds are found. The innocent who are forced to work in the diamond fields under horribly violent conditions, for no other pay than being allowed to live.

And sometimes they are not even given that.

Diamonds have fueled injustice throughout the world from the funding of corrupt causes, to exploiting the weak, to in itself creating conflicts. In 2000 there was a great awakening to the human rights issues surrounding diamonds, and as a result the Kimberley Process was created and in 2003 began regulating diamond production and trade.

In the last eight years the Kimberley Process has done much to prevent human rights violations due to the diamond trade, but the process has in no way vanquished the problem. Smuggling is still a problem, as well injustice slipping through the cracks. And in the end, the Kimberley Process has little control over how the funds a country recieves from its diamonds are distributed.

Yesterday another leak in the system was revealed, as the Marange Fields in Zimbabwe recieved approval through the Kimberley Process for their diamonds to be exported and sold in major markets throughout the world.

Zimbabwe estimates 2 billion dollars in revenue from these diamond fields, which will surely create even greater disparity between the abundant wealth of Mugabe and his loyalists and the majority~ a severely impoverished population.

In addition to this, approval of diamonds mined in the Marange Fields for international trade is a scandal in itself. Reports say that the approval of Zimbabwe diamonds was a "compromise" to end a deadlocked vote. The US "compromised" by abstaining their vote. Morally they (we) knew that the reports made by several human rights groups condemning the brutality and violence used in the mining of these fields were true. So in good conscience we couldn't vote for the approval, so we compromised our opportunity to stand up for the powerless and chose silence instead.

But what it really comes down to is that we have compromised human rights to make women around the world look pretty.

We have compromised integrity to fill the wallets of the greedy.

And we have compromised the lives of many ...for mere rocks.

Diamonds are only as valuable as we make them my friends. So ask yourself, is that rock worth someone's life?

Oh, The Sweetness

2011-11-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

Remember my angel girl Bethany? Well, I clicked over today to check up on her profile, and there was this beautiful new picture of her:

She is the sweetest.

Don't you just want to hug her? Can't you hear the way she laughs?

If you haven't already, help this beautiful girl find her family by grabbing her button for your blog or website, and sharing her profile on Facebook or Twitter using this url: http://reecesrainbow.org/12312/bethany1606.

Her forever family is out there.

Could it be someone you know?

Could it be you?

I am linking up with Forget Me Not Friday. I encourage you to check out Flight Platform Living, where Jane is hosting an awesome giveaway to raise money to go towards her sweet Francine's adoption. I am crossing my fingers and hoping I win a piece of her beautiful artwork!

God Bless,

As Seasons Change

2011-10-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time.

He has also set eternity in the human heart;

yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

I pray that whatever season of the heart you are in, that your eyes would be opened to the fingerprints of our eternal and loving Creator. May He reveal beauty to you in new and exciting ways, and where there is ugly, may you have eternal sight to see the unfathomable ways God is moving and molding.

~Happy, Wonderful, Blessed Fall to Beautiful You~

What Hate Can Do

2011-10-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

It saddens me that there are people in this world that are so corrupted by darkness and hate that they make us forget our humanity.

Their hate and evilness clings to us and burrows through our flesh and into our hearts, until we, in turn, begin to hate them. And we hate them so much that as they die we beat them and spit in their face. While being dragged through the streets covered with blood, dead or soon to be, we celebrate.

I wonder how long it will take us to realize that we have become like them.

Expose the Ugly

2011-10-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

Many of us have learned by now that there is a lot of ugly in this world. Recently I learned about one of these very ugly situations happening in Haiti, at the Son of God orphanage.

Children are dying of abuse and neglect. Their flesh is being devoured by parasitic disease; hearts are being crushed by hate.

Bodies of children are being sold for sex and organs.

And you, my friends, can help stop this madness.

Sign this petition to help bring EXPOSURE to the atrocities going on in this orphanage, and then spread the word.

Be the light that scatters the darkness.

Too.Stinkin.Hot.

2011-10-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Fall,

This morning I woke up in my summer pjs sweating to death. I walked to the mailbox in flip-flops and a tank-top and nearly melted.

It is 11am and I hear the air-conditioner running and the icecream truck circling the neighborhood.

There is a rumor going around that you began back in September, but here it is October 15th, and it is 90 degrees.

If I did something to tick you off, I am truly sorry. Please come quickly. You are my favorite, but you are starting to irritate me.

What the heck?

A Little Faith

2011-10-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

Today I encourage you to check out the post Sun Stand Still by my dear friend JD at Compassion Can. Because I don't have anything good to say, but she does.

And if you need the back story of her mission to Ghana, you can read that here.

I hope that you'll take the time to click over and soak in these stories, and that they will encourage you in your faith as they have me.

P.S. God is awesome.

Overwhelmed

2011-10-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

The last couple days I have been so blessed to spend time in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

It is a place that was one of my many homes growing up. I lived there during a time when there was an undeniable crazy battle going on for my soul.

God brought me to work and retreat at this place when I was broken and needed healing the most.

But looking back on those years I want to kick my teenage self in the head. Yeah, I had fun, and there was a lot of adventure; Yet I was hardened and bitter and resistant to what the Holy Spirit was trying to reveal to me.

God sent amazing people in my life, and placed me in among his most glorious handiwork, and I took it all for granted.

I broke bread with Francis Chan and changed his babies diapers, yet his words and godly wisdom wouldn't break through the hardened layers of my heart until years later. They somehow reached me through words on a page, when they had been given to me years earlier through friendly conversation. And there were so many others like him. God used their children in the nursery where I worked to connect me with people who would speak overflowing words of wisdom into my life, and I let them fall carelessly to the floor.

Thinking back on moments like this, I wish I could go back and drink them all in. I wish I could write down those words and savor them completely. Yet I know it was a season, and that season has passed.

But today I am reminded of the fact that this season, the one I am in now, it is not over. It is not too late to appreciate today. So I sit and reflect on the place God has me in now, the people He has sent to speak truth into my life today, and the ways the Holy Spirit is fighting for me and revealing himself to me in this season.

And today I am also reminded of where I was then, and where He has brought me. Healing has taken place, my hardened heart has been cracked open enough to let a little light through, and I am changed. My Savior has won the battle, and there is freedom.

Hume, California. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

I will leave you with words from one of my favorite worship songs. One of the writers of this song is one of those very people God sent to speak wisdom to me, and the words to this song were completed at the very place God fought so hard for my heart. And today, as I walk away from this place, I am nothing less than overwhelmed.

I am nothing, yet you bid me

Come to You, O Lord Almighty

As I come I'm overwhelmed with You.

Humbly now I break the silence

As I'm weeping in your presence

I'm so wretched, overwhelmed with You.

Your blood of redemption is covering my shame

Your voice that shakes the heavens

Is whispering my name

As you catch my tears

With your nail-scarred hand

I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed with You.

I am nothing, yet you bid me

Come to You, O Lord Almighty.

Written by Tom Dickson and Joel Weldon

Fishers of Men

2011-09-26T06:07:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life I have heard conversation after conversation about the misfit disciples, and why in the world Jesus chose the particular group of men that he did.

Don't ask me about the tax collector and the politicians. God hasn't revealed that one to me yet, but I think I've got somewhat of an understanding of the fishermen.

For so many years I have envisioned these fisherman as something like this:

Source

Or this:

Source

So peaceful and nice (and a little boring). These men must have been so calm and patient, right?

Nope, I am pretty sure these images are all wrong.

I have come to view Simon Peter, Andrew, James, and John in a whole new light. Because in reality, fishing wasn't a hobby for them or a peaceful retreat. It was work. The manly rough dangerous kind of work.

The kind of work that requires passion, courage, loyalty, heart, and maybe even a little recklessness.

The kind of work that requires someone like these guys:

Source

Or these guys:

Source

Sure they may be a little rough around the edges, but Jesus sought the kind of guy that was loyal to the point of getting pissed enough to cut off someone's ear.

When I think of the disciples this way, I totally get it. I mean, life with these guys would be a little wild and unpredictable, but so was Jesus.

The Death of the Doggy Paddle

2011-09-25T00:09:00.000-07:00

I recently had a conversation with one of the wisest women I know. We are starting a Bible study with what has become the most diverse group of women you will probably ever find gathered in one room, which is exciting.

But as we have been searching for a study, we have been more than frustrated.

The words that keep coming up are surfacey, shallow, fake, fluff, polished.

These are words that should never be found regarding anything referencing my Christ, and it's ticking me off a little.

And it's not just in the Christian literature. It is an overall theme within our culture. Why is there so much striving to make Christianity seem easy, comfortable, clean and safe?

In a nation full of Christians doing the doggy paddle in the shallow end, I want to do more than simply stay afloat.

I want to go deeper.

Immersion.

More of Him and less of me.

I don't want to live the easy way or the clean way.

Gritty. Grimy. Dirty. Bold. Uncomfortable. Untamed. Wild. Radical. Crazy.

And I sure as heck don't want to be safe.

I want to lay hands on lepers and dine with outcasts. I want to live outside the camp.

Because my Savior died for my freedom. And freedom means more than a comfy pew and air conditioning in my Sunday best.

In a church culture that tells us to be careful, let us pray for reckless abandon.

"Woe to the person who smoothly, flirtatiously, commandingly, convincingly preaches some soft, sweet something which is supposed to be Christianity." - Soren Kierkegaard

Bloggy Awards, Shout-Outs, and Confessions part 4

2011-09-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

So, I've been chosen a couple times recently, and not so recently, for a versatile blogger award. Before you go thinking I am cooler and more popular than I really am, it's basically a shout-out that someone likes your blog, mixed in with an about you type thing like we use to do on Myspace back when that was cool. Then I realized that cheesy about me lists are basically what I've been doing in my confessions posts, so we're gonna kill two birds with one stone here.

Anyways, I would like to say thanks to KEZ at Sinner Following Jesus and Selena at Shimmery for thinking I'm cool :)

With that said, when you recieve said bloggy award, you are invited to share 7 things about yourself, and then give shout-outs (bloggy awards) to 15 bloggers you think are shout-out worthy. So here goes.

Confessions part 4 (a.k.a. 7 random things about me):

*Yesterday was the first day of fall, and although still 100 degrees here, the Christmas music is cranking.

*In college people liked to play pranks on me. I had my car soaped, floured, and fished, my dorm room moved and set up in the lobby, as well my car "stolen" and being relocated, just to name a few. Okay, so sometimes I guess I deserved it ;)

*I have been a bridesmaid 11 times, and number 12 is coming up.

*I hate ants. I have many bad ants stories. One includes me peeing on an ant hill that was hidden by a tree, and then me flailing around the woods half naked (I literally had ants in my pants). To make it worse, I read One Hundred Years of Solitude, and now I fear being carried away by ants in my sleep while being eaten alive. Moving on...

*I have the cutest dog in the world.

*I used to squeeze my head between small spaces and get it stuck...like all the time. Usually in things like chairs and railings. One time I got it stuck in the gate at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.

*Last, but definitely not least, I dream of Haiti and Bangladesh. I have jars and jars of change in my closest that I will not touch until it helps me get to one of these places.

Shout-Outs (a.k.a. bloggy awards...in no particular order):
15 is a lot, so I have included short descriptions to help you determine the ones you deem click worthy.

1. April at Two in Blue. Either April or her now husband were involved on one side or the other in all the pranks listed above. She was the best roomate ever, and is now an amazing mommy to two of the cutest boys in the world.

2. Katie at Ristow's Wife. Katie was also a partner in crime back in college. She has lived gracefully through some of life's most challenging and heartbreaking moments, and writes about them with equal amounts wisdom and grace.

3. Cathrine at Life is a Lyric. I think of Cat as my internet soul mate :) She's pretty awesome, and Dave Ramsey thinks she is funny.

4. JD at Compassion Can. JD is a Compassion International advocate, as well as advocating for children entrapped in the slave trade. In November she will be going to Ghana to work with some of these children. I hope you'll check out her blog, as well as her upcoming journey and how you can help!

5. Jill at Compassion Family and Daily Bread. At Compassion Family Jill writes about child sponsorship and how to make it a family event, as well as inspires us all in becoming more involved sponsors. She also writes at Daily Bread about her family's lifestyle of simplicity.

6. Mark at Conspiracy of Hope and Musings and Miscellanies. Mark is a warrior in the battle against Human Trafficking. He writes about the battle at Conspiracy of Hope, as well as more personal insights and various other musings at Musings and Miscellanies, Oh My.

7. Melissa at Beautiful Feet Global Outreach (BFGO) and Melissa Writes. Melissa is my Zimbabwe sister, and she writes about her ministry for orphans on her NGO blog, BFGO. She also happens to have a beautiful heart and family, and she shares some if this beauty at her personal blog, Melissa Writes.

8. Michelle at Restore Innocence. Michelle is a friend from college, who is now on a journey with her husband to open a home for women who have been victimized by sex trafficking. Follow along on their journey of opening the Cinderella House and ministering to the hearts of young women.

9. Carly at Ryan, Carly, and Crew. Carly is another sweet college friend who writes about her amazingly beautiful and fun family. They are currently in the process of adopting their second child. Through adopting God has given Carly a heart to help people manuever through the sometimes difficult adoption process, so if you have questions, I'm sure she'd be happy to help :)

10. Michele at From the Unpaved Road. Michele is a missionary in the newly established country of South Sudan. She is mamma to over 100 orphaned, abandoned, and displaced children. She lives love and writes about the beauty, miraculous, and faithfulness of our Savior.

11. Katie at Imperfect People. Katie loves to encourage people to get real with eachother. On her blog you will find testimonies of many amazing yet real people, as well as glimpses into her own heart and life.

12. Leah at Leah in Romania. Leah is a friend from college (have I mentioned that I have some amazing college friends?). Leah has been a full-time missionary in Romania through Youth with a Mission (YWAM) for 6 years now. She rocks.

13. Morgan at Mrs. Priss. Morgan is a real life friend, who apparently has become rather famous in the blog world. She has won many blogger awards...the real kind. She is hilarious, crafty, awesome, and so so honest. I promise if you read her stuff you will be laughing so hard you snort and or pee.

14. Megan at Zip Tied. Megan is a friend from Youth for Christ, and is a missionary to a part of Fresno locals call "The Devils Triangle". She is full of life and laughter and love, and recently began blogging about all of this, as well as her knack for creativity.

15. Megan at Blessed with a Burden. This is a new favorite blog about a new favorite ministry. Megan is the founder of Respire Haiti, and with much love and determination she is empowering the shaken community of Gressier, Haiti in bringing change and hope from within.

Not That I'm a Super Hero or Anything...

2011-09-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

But I think I have discovered my super power:

Finding children.

Today I found a little boy. No bigger than a chicken nugget. Wandering the streets alone. For reals.

Thankfully his mom was eventually located, and it was nothing more than a case of a curious three-year-old exploring the world while his mom was taking a shower.

But it made me realize, this kind of thing happens to me a lot. Not like everyday a lot, but I have found several lost, abandoned, runaway children in my life. And according to people I know, its not really a normal thing to just find a child. But sometimes it just happens.

I even got to name one or them.

My rambunctious little Ruthie Nothando, 4 years after we found her.

Maybe it is just being in the right place at the right time, but I'd like to think that maybe us mere mortals do have real life super powers. Not the kind that can burn holes through buildings with a concentrated glare, but the more practical kind.

I think I like mine. My only complaint is that they never let me keep the children.

What is your super power?

Confessions part 3

2011-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

*The movie Signs scarred me for life. To this day, sometimes when I walk downstairs at night to get a drink of water, I swear I'll catch a glimpe of an alien through the sliding glass door.

*I use to be boy crazy. One time I ran into a sign and got a black eye 'cause I was, well, distracted. By a boy. Yep, very very boy crazy. Now I'm just crazy.

*That reminds me. I got my first black eye while chasing a snowflake...right into a pole. Sometimes I run into things. Which is why my dad's nickname for me growing up was Lumpy.

*Sometimes I use a fork to scratch my back. But only when I'm really really desperate. And I almost never put it back in the drawer. (Mark, that one was for you.)

*The Wizard of Oz always has and always will give me nightmares. Tornadoes and flying monkeys...it's a lose lose situation.

*I have probably burned more calories in my life dancing to Tubthumping by Chumbawamba than by all my other workouts combined. Yes, I know it is a horrible song. That's what makes it a confession.

*On a more serious note, this girl has been on my mind constantly lately. I was even praying about finding another job so I could afford/qualify to adopt her myself. Then I realized that to adopt from her country, you have to be married. So, Bob, if you're out there....

P.S. If you haven't read the Bob saga, you really should. It's good stuff.

Adventures in Owling

2011-09-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, after my owling mockery post a few weeks back, I decided that before I hate on it, I should try it.

Here is what I like to call A Day in the Life of a Human Pretending to be an Owl. Gripping stuff, I know.

That car driving by circled around and I am 99.8% sure he got a picture of me on his cell phone.

Preparing to take the owling stance. Pulling up the pants is a must.

Here I am, feeling ~~like an idiot~~ not so wise.

Hoo! Hoooo!

It's a beautiful day to be an owl.

The children are now afraid of me.

Preparing to take flight.

Getting back up is the hard part.

Although it was a hoot, I have officially done enough owling to satisfy any desire to squat like an owl for the rest of my life.

And as exhilarating as it looks, I still don't get it.

Word to the wise:

Let owls be owls and people be people.

The End.

The Way She Laughs

2011-09-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

Because I can see her running through the park, giggling as the kite chasing behind her soars through the air.

I can see her swinging and asking to go Higher! Higher!

I can see her being tucked into bed at night and dozing off to words of her favorite book.

I can see her sitting at the dinner table, holding hands with her family, bowing her head and saying a prayer.

I can see her playing hide-and-go-seek with her brothers and sisters until they have exhausted every last corner and closest.

I can see her at school, waving her hand and hopping in her seat, eager to answer a question.

I can see her playing hopscotch and jumping rope, doing cartwheels and learning to rollerskate.

I can see her twirling excitingly and nervously through the living room, and hearing her dad tell her she is beautiful as she leaves for her first date.

I can see her learning to drive and bagging groceries after school to save every penny for a car.

I can see her graduate highschool.

I can see her in college.

I can see her become a nurse or a teacher, a social worker or a scientist, a doctor or a business woman, a missionary or a school bus driver- whatever she wants to be.

I can see her getting married.

I can see her becoming a mom.

I can see her having big dreams.

I can see her delighting in life.

And I can hear the way she laughs.

This is why I ask, can you help me find this little girl's family?

Thank you to all of you who have helped spread the word already. For those of you who missed my last post about Bethany, or intended to share her on your blog or facebook but haven't yet, I would be so grateful if you could help me get her picture out to as many people as possible.

Because she is waiting for her family. Because God has bigger and better things planned for her than she or I could ever imagine. And somewhere out there, her family is searching for her.

I am linking up with Forget Me Not Friday over at Flight Platform Living.

Helpless...

2011-09-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

As mamas watch hunger devour their babies and daddies dig their graves.

As I carry a weak little boy up the stairs to the doctor...the HIV assisting the tuberculosis in ravaging his lungs.

As special needs orphans lay hopeless in institutions, without hugs or love or acknowledgement of being human.

As I pray over a man dying of menongitis, his eyes bulging in agonizing pain.

As grown men claim women and children as belongings, inflicting on them all the agony one can withstand, and even more.

And this week, as one of my sweet girls mourned while the baby inside her went to be with Jesus. As I sat beside her at the hospital, and they sent her home to wait, because they too were helpless. As the doctor said her body rejected her own child, and her heart broke.

Helpless.

It's a desolate way to feel, and a hopeless way to live.

It is a burden. And it is a lie.

But as much as I try to lay these burdens down, they cling to me like leeches.

Confessions part 2

2011-09-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

*One weekend about four years ago I was housesitting and had the rare treat of cable television. There was a bigfoot marathon on, and I watched it for 24 hours straight (this is one of the reasons why I should never and will never have cable :) Thus, I am now obsessed with bigfoot (and tornadoes, but that's a whole 'nother cable marathon experience).

*I add water to things like liquid soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, ect. to make them last longer.

*I almost always write ect. instead of etc.

*The circus scares me.

*My summer pajamas are a pair of boxer shorts that I bought from Old Navy in 1997. They are plaid. They have a hole on the right side that is so big I stick my leg through it while putting them on about 59% of the time. I think it's time to let them go...but I just.can't.do.it.

*I like fried spam sandwiches and biscuits with chocolate gravy.

A Special Day for a Special Girl

2011-09-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

See this gorgeous girl here? (Not me, the other one ;)

She has been in my life for what seems like forever.

Together we have been through lots of ups and downs, laughter, tears and hair colors.

I've given her talk after talk while she crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.

From baseball games to pizza nights, pumpkin patches to coffee dates, she has been a wonderful blessing in my life.

Today is a big day for her, a day that makes me feel old, but proud of the beautiful young woman she is. Won't you join me in saying

Happy 18th birthday Bobbiann....

You are so very loved.

A Day in the Life

2011-09-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

Today I...

Lectured a student about not peeing outside (atleast not at school) until I was blue in the face...and for good reason.

Witnessed a sweet eight-year-old autistic girl comfort an upset classmate (which is huge, by the way). She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and hugged their cheeks together and just held him- and he didn't pull away. After sitting like this for a few moments she turned to him and oh-so-gently began cleaning out his ear with her finger. Oh well. It was sweet while it lasted.

Climbed to the top of the jungle gym to help one of our students. When I started to go back down a little boy (who is not in our class) held my arm and asked me if he could help me down. He walked just in front of me and guided me down step by step- because apparently I am too elderly and frail nowadays to get my senile self off the jungle gym ;)

I live the sweet life.

Sometimes I Have to Remind Myself

2011-08-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the City of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the LORD has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire.

He says,

"Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

(So what the heck am I so afraid of? )

Perfect Timing

2011-08-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

This has been somewhat of a chaotic, insane, out-of-control week. I showed up for work this morning expecting nothing less than another crazy day.

Then this morning one of my students presented me with this:

and very sweetly wished me a happy birthday.

As you might remember, my birthday is in May :)

Her mom also wrote me a note, as her daughter had convinced her that it was in fact my birthday, and she told me how hard she had worked on making me this card.

It was a sweet moment.

Turns out that it did end up being a chaotic, insane, hard day.

But it was nice to have this little reminder of how sweet life can be in this crazy world.

And how God uses these little ones to be His hands and feet through the simple things.

Life is good.

Introducing Bethany

2011-08-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Around the world today there are approximately 143 million orphans, many of them waiting for their forever families to find them.

The numbers are overwhelming. Sometimes it is easy to let the numbers paralyze. But each of these children have names, faces, personalities, dreams.

Today I am going to introduce you to one of them.

This is Bethany. She is five years old and is from Eastern Europe. She has delays in psychomotor and physical development, as well as being HIV+.

Bethany will turn 6 years old in March of 2012. At this time she will likely be moved to a larger institution for older children, where her care and chances of being adopted will greatly decrease. Sadly, because of her HIV status, this means her chances of survival will decrease as well.

Two days ago I saw Bethany for the first time, and I couldn't stop thinking about her; so today I became her warrior.

Bethany is a Reece's Rainbow child. As her warrior, I have taken the honor of advocating for Bethany, as well as raising funds for her adoption. Many families who would like to adopt just don't have the financial resources to do so. By having funds available to help with the cost of her adoption, it will increase the chances of finding Bethany's family.

There are a few ways you can help connect Bethany with her forever family.

You can donate through Bethany's page at Reece's Rainbow. All donations are tax deductible and will help get this angel girl home where she belongs.

You can also help by spreading the word about Bethany. The more people who see her darling face, the better the chance her family will see her. Feel free to share her page on facebook, twitter, or anywhere else that people gather! Also, you can grab her button to share on your blog. (I created a button, be impressed.)

The task of finding this sweet girl her family by March can feel a bit intimidating, but I have no doubt that God has the perfect family ready and waiting to find their daughter. I hope you'll join me in warrioring for Bethany to make this possible!

If you would like to become a warrior for a waiting child with special needs, please visit Reece's Rainbow.

P.S. I am linking up with Forget Me Not Friday.

Hold Him Closer

2011-08-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

This little boy has been on my heart and mind a lot lately, even more than usual.

If you are not familiar with Joseph's story, you can find it here, and an update can be found here.

Although Joseph is not an orphan, he became part of Tecla's orphan ministry when we first met him as an infant, in 2006, because of his dire situation.

Like so many families, Joseph's has been torn apart by alcohol and infidelity. Throughout Joseph's life, his father has been mostly absent. And when he has been present, his example has been less than ideal.

I recieved an email back in April that Joseph's father was in prison. I had mixed emotions about this. It is never a joyful thing for a child to lose his father to prison, but at the same time, he would be less destructive behind bars.

Then just last week I recieved another email. Joseph's father is now home. He was released from prison, not because he had finished his sentence, but because he is sick. The hospital has turned him away, and now he lies at home, waiting to die.

I am sad for Joseph. Sad that a loving father figure has been absent from his life. Sad that the time he spends with him now is simply because his father has no other choice. Sad that he must watch him suffer. And I am sad that Joseph will soon lose his father, because as imperfect as he has been, he is his father.

I wonder how much pain and disappointment Joseph has felt because of this man, yet I know his death will only cause more sadness.

Its one of those times I wish I could be there to hug him and hold him and love him. But I must remember that we share the love of The Father, who loves him even more than I.

And He is there to hug him and hold him and love him every second of everday.

So I ask you, Father, if it is possible, could you hold this little boy a little closer and love him a little louder, because what he needs ~now more than ever~ is the love of a Father.

Amen.

Pop a Squat

2011-08-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for the lack of depth my posts have had lately, but I have spent the last day catching up on life and the internet, and this is one of those things that just needs to be said.

Since when is squatting cool?

Incase you haven't seen this yet, the new "thing to do" is owling.

Basically owling is squatting and posing like an owl, and posting the pictures online. The sillier places you squat, the "cooler" you are.

This is a real thing people. I read about it in the Washington Post for crying outloud. It is the new planking, which I didn't understand either, but this is getting out of control.

I am all for doing crazy weird things, but I am 97% sure that there is a person whose goal in life is to make people look as stupid as possible, and thus came up with a way to get them to squat in public for no apparently good reason.

Source

Should this photo be called

Owling

How to Use a Squatty Potty

???

I just don't get it. If you do, please explain. Maybe everyone is losing their mind. Maybe people spend so much time in front of the computer that they don't know there are actual fun and cool things to do in the world. Or maybe I'm just getting old.

I should stop there, but with all that said, I must say that for some unexplainable reason, I think this guy is cool.

Source

Maybe he started it all and everyone wants to be like him. I don't know. I'm just so confused.

And the Winners Are...

2011-08-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the winners of the Beautiful Giveaway.....

1. Jane from Flight Platform Living

2. Katie from Imperfect People

Coincidentally, both of these ladies have awesome and very meaningful blogs. I encourage you to stop on by and say hi :)

And if you haven't yet, check out Beautiful Feet Global Outreach!

God Bless,

Good ol' Google

2011-08-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

I just checked my stats and discovered that people have been coming to my blog through a google search of

Jerry Springer that baby aint mine....

I just searched it and my blog came up numero uno.

Is it weird that this makes me happy?

Why You Should Wear Your Glasses...Especially in the Woods

2011-08-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

First I must say that this story is likely one of those "you had to be there" stories, but I thought I should share it anyways. If not for a laugh, then for your safety.

One of my favorite things to do is hiking. I grew up camping and fishing and running around barefoot and dirty in the woods, so it really is a place that feels like home.

Last weekend my friend Mary Ann and I went up the mountain to hike to the top of a waterfall. It was a beautiful day and we were ready for some adventure.

We had no idea what we were in for.

We started on our trail, and a few minutes later as we turned a corner Mary Ann grabbed my arm and whispered that there was a bear to our right.

Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

I look up ahead to the right, and I see it there, the large brown bear by the trail that my friend was assumably talking about.

I start to back up from the big scary bear when she points out the bear that she is actually talking about, which is to our immediate right, way too close for comfort.

Then I see the bear cubs that are now closely to the back of us.

We are going to die.

She starts to pull me forward, but frantically I tell her to stop because she obviously is blind and doesn't see the other huge, gigantic, massive bear to the front of us. We are surrounded.

We can't go back without getting closer to the cubs, we can't move forward because of the huge bear that waits for us at the next corner, and if we stay there we will die by the sharp teeth of an angry momma. So we go to the left, up the mountain, around the mamma and babies, and finally around the other bear that my friend still doesn't see....

We get a safe distance and stop to breathe and to take some pictures.

After a few moments my eyes focus on the other bear, and realize why she didn't see it...

Because it was a log.

Yes, I almost died of a heart attack and made my friend climb up the side of the mountain to safely get around a huge log.

Blind. Old. Lady.

Long story short, we survived the real bears, and the stupid log bear, and we made it to the top of the falls.

On our way back down the hill we laughed hysterically about that stupid log that I was freaking out about, and I made note that a lot of logs really do look like bears.

We decided that on the way back we should stop by the bear log and take a picture so we could look back at it and laugh.

But then, as we neared the log, we saw this...

Needless to say,

we got the heck out of the bear haven,

Mary Ann's husband will never let her go hiking with me again,

and you should always wear your glasses in the woods.

Confessions

2011-08-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

You know how people make comments on facebook and twitter followed by a #andmorewords. I don't know what that means.

I am blind but I don't wear my glasses. I am even required to wear them when I drive, but they make me feel like I am hovering. Not sure thats safer.

When I leave comments on other blogs I almost always forget to click "subscribe to comments"...so I spend a good amount of time trying to remember what comments I made so I can check back and see if they replied...because if their reply requires my reply I don't want to be rude.

My world is spinning way too fast and I have accepted the fact that I am not going to catch up with everything that has happened over the last month with all my bloggy friends. So if there was something important, just tell me.

When I read or write posts with links and the links do not open in a new window it drives me nuts. Anyone know how to make it do that?

And last but not least, school starts next week, and that makes me want to curl up and cry. For the first time ever I am not excited and or ready for the first day. I haven't had time to rest and refuel. My patience is at a low, and in my job patience is the number one job requirement. Help.

Oh, Yeah. And I haven't worked out at all this week (other than swimming) because I washed my tennis shoes four days ago, and I have been too lazy to lace them.

Beautiful Giveaway

2011-08-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, as I was scanning through blogs, I came across this beautiful lady.

Her name is Melissa, and she had lots of good stuff to say. But the words on her blog that kept jumping out at me were:

ZIMBABWE. ORPHANS. ZIMBABWE.

Some may say that it was a coincidence, but I would say this was a God thing.

Whenever I (rarely) meet a person who shares my love for Zimbabwe, there seems to be an instant bond. And Melissa was no different.

Over the last year I have seen more and more of her beautiful heart, not only for Zimbabwe, but for orphans and special needs children all over the world.

From this passion Melissa has founded an organization called Beautiful Feet Global Outreach.

How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news...Romans 10:14,15

In celebration of BFGO becoming and official Tax-Exempt Non-Profit Organization, I am going to give you stuff!

In exchange I just ask that you check out the awesome things that are happening with BFGO, and open your heart up to falling in love with this ministry as I have.

For this giveaway there will be two winners, each will recieve one of these lovely necklaces, handmade by Melissa. (You can read the story behing these jasper rocks or buy one of these lovely necklaces here. All proceeds go to Beautiful Feet Global Outreach.)

Tear shaped brown colored jasper neclace.

A rectangular shaped greenish blue Jasper rock with beautiful brown markings. I want one.

How to enter:

1. Check out the BFGO website and let me know you did. I'll take your word for it. I'm trustworthy like that. (This is mandatory to be qualified for the other entries.)

2. Follow or subscribe to the BFGO blog

3. Like the Facebook page.

4. Share this on your blog, facebook, twitter, and/or other social forums. Each share will count as one entry.

Please be sure to leave a seperate comment for each entry so I don't miss any! The winner will be drawn on Monday, August 8th. The first winner drawn will have the choice of which necklace they would like. Oh, and last but not least, make sure that somewhere in your comment there is a link to your blog or email so I can contact you if you win!

God Bless,

Today...

2011-07-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

I got home from Colorado late Wednesday night. I went to bed peacefully, and woke up yesterday to life. The messy, overwhelming, frustrating, sad kind of life.

I know it's a mix of the new hormones I am on, big dramatic life issues, and the little annoying hair pulling issues that are piled on top. It is enough to make you want to sit numb and motionless with no motivation to move. Which is pretty much how I spent my day.

Last night I went to bed in tears. After all the stuff that piled up through the day, I just wanted to talk to my friend. And I was reminded, as I am constantly, that she is gone.

It has been almost two years now, but I still miss her everyday. I miss her quirky view on life. I miss her straight forward honesty that somehow always seemed kind. I miss her grace. I miss her childlike giggle being only a phone call away. I miss the way she would have told me ~in her cheery voice~ to take a hot bath, drink a latte, and get on with life.

I woke up today thinking of her. Today is her birthday. So in honor of her, I am going get up, take a hot bath, stop pouting, and get moving. I am going to get on with life and do what needs to be done with as much grace as possible, because she reminds me how precious life is.

She reminds me that with all the ugly in this world, there is beauty beyond belief.

So, Happy birthday Lindsey. Today, because of you, I will live a little bolder, dream a little bigger, and laugh a little louder. Love you my friend.

Oh, Deer

2011-07-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

I am still in Colorado, hanging out with my family and these guys in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

I spent the last four days in the Sangre de Cristo mountain range. The name (which means "Blood of Christ") is perfect, because the beauty is so engulfing that it is impossible to not be filled with worship for our Creator and Savior in this place.

I am so thankful to have this time of fellowship with my family and with the Father.

I hope you take the time today to let His beauty engulf you.

~I'll be back in three days. I can't wait read about what you all have been doing the last few weeks.

Crickets Chirping

2011-07-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Hey friends. Sorry it's been a little quiet around here. I wanted to check in and let you all know I am alive and well.

Because if you are anything like me you spend nights tossing and turning when you haven't heard from your blogger friends for an unusual amount of time. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating a little, but really, I do worry.

I have been with my family here in Colorado for several days now. Between hanging out with the family, helping my mom move, going to church, going to more church, and making new friends, I have been pretty busy. Plus, with the move, the internet has been sketchy at best. All this to say, I miss you all, and will come hang out with you some more when I get the chance.

I hope you are all doing wonderfully :)

Much love,

Summertime Tradition

2011-07-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I took some of my Youth for Christ girls to our annual summer baseball game. Each year a wonderful local business donates baseball tickets for our local minor league team, and through going to these games each year, we have started our own little tradition.

We get to go in through a "special door" with no line, and to the littles one's delight, we even get to take the elevator instead of the stairs. Oh, and not to mention, we have great seats!

And not only do we get to go enjoy a baseball game, we get to do it in style. Last night we got free tickets to the buffet, and on top of that, free hotdogs and sodas (delivered to our seats), and all we could eat popcorn! (And its a good thing I brought my mom purse, cause one of my girls insisted on taking some of the goodies home for her siblings. My purse now smells like a concession stand :)

We had such a fun night, and to top it all off, we stayed to enjoy a post game fireworks show. It really is a blessing to be able to give these kids a little special treatment once in a while.

Thank you, Giersch and Associates, for your generosity, and for helping us create lots of great memories!

A Nation is Born

2011-07-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

As these words post, the clock turns midnight in Sudan, and the date changes to July 9, 2011. A date that will leave a hopeful mark in history; a day that brings wonderful freedom to many for whom it is long overdue.

Today we celebrate the birth of a beautiful new nation. The birthing pangs have been long, and much has been sacrificed. But today is the day of new beginnings, new hope, new life, and new freedom.

Along with being the world's youngest nation, it is also born as the world's poorest nation, with a GDP per capita of only $90. The bumpy and rough roads of this land are likely representative of the journey that lies ahead for the people.

But at this very moment beauty and love are taking root here;

in this country that through pictures and stories has captured my heart.

Source

If you dare to be vulnerable to the ways God is moving, if you are willing to have your heart broken for these things that break the heart of God, you can catch a glimpse of them From the Unpaved Road and Called 2 Follow.

Will you join me in wishing South Sudan a very happy birthday? Your love and prayers would be a wonderful gift.

The Perfect Accident

2011-07-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

You know those people who think their pets are just the cutest things to ever grace the planet and post a million pictures of them for the world to see...like the world really cares?

Well, I'm about to become one of those people.

But really, my baby boy is the cutest and sweetest dog around.

Exactly three years ago I became the foster momma of this over-loveable pitbull baby.

Shortly after, I accidentally became his permanent momma...

Deep down I believe it was meant to be ;)

Cleaning Out Closets

2011-07-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

My junior year of college I read through Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster for the first time. It was also the first time that I really understood what simplicity means. I discovered it is not only a freeing way to live, but also an important discipline in living by faith.

The Christian discipline of simplicity is an inward reality that results in an outward life-style. ~Foster

Simplicity is simply laying down our desires to compete for status, position, and extravagance. It is putting aside those cravings we have to impress people with our things. It is dying to our lust for little gods, and making room for more of God in our lives.

Simplicity is an outward life-style of owning what we need, and not having to have bigger, better, or more than our neighbors. It is a discipline God offers us to protect us from love of money. It is not legalistic, but personal.

Simplicity is the key to unlocking the chains of bondage to a materialistic world. It frees our time to spend more with God and our families. It frees our resources to give more to those in need.

Simplicity sets us free to recieve the provision of God as a gift that is not ours to keep and can be freely shared with others. ~Foster

Lately God has been opening my eyes in a fresh way to these verses:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches,

but give me only my daily bread. Proverbs 30:8

The Bible is flooded with verses like these, yet we so easily forget God's eternal goodness, and put our desire and faith into the temporary.

Although I value simplicity, recently I have realized that my simplicity has turned to something ugly. It has changed from being between me and God, to being a comparison to how much others have. Somewhere along the way my thought became that as long as I have considerably less than those around me, I am living in simplicity. Although this is "bigger and better" in reverse, it cheapens this gift of discipline.

So today I took some time to examine my life and my belongings. I live with a family, in their spare room. I use their furniture, so all my belongings are essentially contained in one closest. Yet today when I took an honest look at what I really need, I was able to give all this away.

I won't tell you an exact number of how many shirts or pants I or anyone "needs" in order to live simply; that should be a personal examination of needs and wants between you and God. I will tell you that I was holding on to many things that have been cluttering my life. And I will say it again...

Simplicity is freeing.

So now I ask, are there inward or outward things you are holding onto that are really holding onto you? Ask God to show you how you can live more simply, free of this bondage.

A Cup of Coffee

2011-06-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, you want to go grab a cup of coffee?
Yes, you. All of you.

Well...most of you ;)

How at times I wish we could. We have so much to talk about.

I have so many things spinning through my head. Time and time again I have sat down to write them here, and they just get clumped up into a big jumbled mess of words.

Deep thoughts and meaningful questions that I wish we could share...in real time...in real conversation.

I'm sure you've got some of those things too...things that are filling your thoughts and tearing at your heart. Words you are longing to share with a friend.

So, I'll get the coffee started, and you can pull up a chair, and we’ll do the best that we can with the space between us.

One of the things that has been filling my thoughts lately is success, and how differently we all define success in our lives.

Or, to be more specific, how I feel this word often makes me stick out of the crowd like a sore thumb...

...even when the crowd is friends and family and church family.

There are the things I am praying about, steps I am hoping to take, and I wonder if these people and their views of success are playing a role in the choices I am making, or, more accurately, not making. I don't want to walk in their human will for my life; I want to walk in God's will for my life.

And that’s hard when God's way looks a lot like failure in their eyes.

To paraphrase the definition of success, it would be "the achievement of something desired."

When looking at this definition, it makes me rethink that maybe we are not so different in what we believe success is, but rather, what we desire.

The more I grow in my relationship with Christ, and the more I open up my eyes to the people around me, the more poverty tears my heart apart.

I desire to be a warrior against the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of poverty. I desire to live in community with the poor and love with every ounce of me.

I will never drive that fancy car or have that house on the beach, or possibly any house. I will probably never have that extra money to spend on clothes or hair or vacations. In fact, I will likely live my life day by day in faith, trusting that God will provide enough. I will always be the outsider.

And what makes me sad is this; most of the people I know, even most of the people who love me, will likely see my life as a failure because of this. I am pretty sure most of them do now. And although I don't want their desires to define me, it still hurts. And on some days more than others, it makes me feel far away from some of the people I should feel the closest to.

Now I breathe deeply and thank you for listening, and I’ll sip my coffee and listen closely as you share about you. I want to hear your thoughts on success and failure, your hurts, and your desires.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal…

The C Word

2011-06-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

This week I was asked to house/animal sit, and in exchange they allowed me to have a couple of the girls I mentor over to go swimming yesterday.

Two weeks ago I helped the woman I live with paint the New York skyline for her church's VBS. As a thank you to her for all the work she did, they gave her a giftcard to the Olive Garden. And to thank me she invited me and the girls to go out to dinner last night.

It kinda feels like that thing...

You know...what's that word?

Its that thing where you help others out when they need it, and then they help you out, just because they can...

I think it starts with a C....

Oh, yeah.

Community.

Word to the Wise

2011-06-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

When in the presence of cuteness that is so cute it is suspiciously cute...

Sleep with one eye open.

And don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, and this cute and innocent little ball of spunk, she is the same sweet baby I am holding in the picture up there, on my header.

The older she gets the ornerier she gets.

Yep, that's my girl.

Oh, Dear

2011-06-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I came home from work feeling super motivated. This whole eating crazy healthy thing has inspired me to live healthier all around, which has helped me feel better even though my body is still completely out of whack.

I decided to do my favorite new workout. I went upstairs and changed, and came down to realize I had forgotten my shoes. I went back upstairs and got my shoes. Came downstairs to realize I forgot my weights. Went back upstairs and did who knows what and came back downstairs...without the weights. Lets just make a long story short here and say that getting ready for my workout was as much of a workout as the actual workout.

To redeem myself, I decided to make some tea. I was victorious and remembered to turn the stove off before the water boiled dry. Ha, take that.

Just in case anyone is keeping track, the score is now

Me: 1 Hormones: 587

A Winner and a Wish

2011-06-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

First things first, I would like to announce that the winner of the Learn a Little Win a Little Giveaway is...

Congratulations Miss Annabelle! I hope you enjoy your beautifully handmade Tanzanian gifts! And a big thank you to everyone who entered. I am really happy that so many of you read the article and are spreading awareness about obsteric fistula. In my book that makes this giveaway a great success!

I would also like to send out wonderful Father's Day wishes to all the fathers out there, and to the spiritual fathers as well.

And for those who have grown up without a father, or with absent, abusive, or detached earthly fathers, please know that you have a perfect father who delights in you.

I hope that today you'll take the time to dance on your daddy's feet.

Daily Bread

2011-06-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die:

Keep falsehood and lies far from me,

give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.

Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?'

Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9

Excuse My Puddle

2011-06-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Today is Pentecost. It is the day that the Holy Spirit breathed life on the first church and really shook things up.

Today is also the Global Day of Prayer. It is a day for the nations to gather and pray for the hurts and needs and aches of the world. It is a day for the Holy Spirit to really shake things up.

So today I knew I was in for some double shaking.

This morning at church, as we had time to worship and pray especially for the Holy Spirit to move us in mighty ways, he broke my heart a little more for the hurts and desperation in our world, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face.

You see, when the Holy Spirit moves, incredible and indescribable things are bound to happen. People pray in tongues and prophesy. People are healed.

And then there's me. I usually stand frozen in place, often with hands raised, weeping uncontrollably.

Not the most awe-inspiring thing to see, I'm sure. But in these moments the Holy Spirit is moving me and speaking through me on behalf of the broken and enslaved, the hurting and the poor.

I never would have considered intercession as one of the power gifts, and if God would have asked, it likely would not have been the gift I would have chosen. But as I am learning more and more about the power of prayer, I know he gave me this gift cause he knows my heart even better than I. And as he moves through me, I begin to hunger for more.

I came home from the earth shaking worship service this morning and read many more heartbreaking things. I wept over babies in Uganda who went to be with Jesus this week, and I wept for people suffering in Zimbabwe.

Then I went back to church tonight for the city-wide Global Day of Prayer service. We had a time of worship and community prayer. Then we were instructed to choose three prayer stations to visit that were placed throughout the church. We were given a list of the stations, but none of them had in-depth descriptions of what we would be praying for. I glanced down and went to the first station that caught my eye, without even having the chance to read what all the stations were.

At my first station we prayed for the leaders in North Africa, and for the persecuted church.

Let the crying begin.

The next station I went to had the desciption of "Thailand". We spent time here praying for the women and children trapped in the sex trade in Thailand, and spoke words of beauty and life that we believed that God would like them to hear.

By this time my tears were about ankle deep, and I was wishing I had worn my rainboots.

The third and final station I stopped at was the next one in line. It was lead by a group of children. We spent time praying for the children in our community and in Africa. For my personal prayer time I was given a photo of an African boy, with the words on the back "Pray that healing may come through the children in Africa."

After a few more moments of kneeling and weeping, these children served me communion.

At this point the person next to me was doing the doggy paddle to stay afloat in my mess.

I have to admit that when I open my eyes and wipe the tears away to see that no one else has cried any puddles, self conscious thoughts come rushing over me. But I am learning that this is what it means to live with a broken heart. And this is a beautiful gift.

I'm just gonna need to get me some more rainboots.

Learn a Little, Win a Little~ A Giveaway

2011-06-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago at my local Farmer's Market, I discovered an NGO called The Women Can Ministry. It was the beautiful handmade African products at their booth that first caught my. After talking to the represenative, Nancy, about the organization and what it stands for, I knew I wanted to support this ministry.

The primary purpose of this ministry is to assist in reducing and eliminating high rates of maternal and child mortalities as well as poverty in the two rural districts (of Tanzania) due to malnutrition, obstetric fistula and poor or no education.

Products sold by The Women Can Ministry are handmade by women in Tanzania and sold in the US to help these women support their families in the fight against poverty.

Many of the women who are part of this project are victims of obsteric fistula, which can cause them to be completely shunned from their communities. Corrective surgery for this condition costs $64.00 US, which is not much by our standards, but for these women in Tanzania is often times completely out of reach. The income from these products (which is split evenly among the group) helps many of these women pay for this surgery to correct a life altering condition.

I decided that I should definitely buy some of their beautiful handmade Tanzanian products, and because I love you so much, I am going to share them with you!

One lucky winner will recieve a beautifully hand-dyed purse, red coconut bead necklace, and handpainted Africa card:

The beautiful, brightly colored Africa card was handpainted by the children supported by this ministry:

This vibrant red necklace is long enough to double over, and is made up of handcrafted coconut beads:

This brightly colored purse is uniquely dyed with beautiful yellows and reds. The purse has a thick single shoulder strap, and is lined with solid black material. Its so beautiful, I decided to buy one for myself too :)

There are five ways for you to enter this giveaway:

1)Leave me a comment telling me you want to enter! Easy peasy!

2) Read this article about obsteric fistula in Tanzania, and tell me one thing that stood out to you (It could be something you learned, something that surprised you, or something that gave you hope).

3) Share this giveaway on Twitter.

4) Share this giveaway on Facebook.

5) Share this giveaway on your blog.

Make sure you leave a separate comment for each entry. The winner will be drawn the old skool way~ out of a paper bag~ on Sunday, June 19th. Oh, and please leave an email or blog address so I will be able to contact you if you are the winner!

I also recommend that you watch the beautifully and respectfully created documentary called A Walk to Beautiful, which lets us into the lives of several young Ethiopian women who have suffered from obsteric fistula.It can be watched full-length here. Its only about 52 minutes long, and totally worth every second.

Good luck!

Learning Through Hellos

2011-06-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

Throughout life I have been blessed to have all my grandparents play an irreplaceable role on my journey. And I have been even more blessed to have grandparents to walk beside me who also walk beside Christ.

In 2009 I spent the days and hours leading up to my grandpa's passing at his bedside, mostly listening to stories and laughing, and of course some crying.

Then one year ago today I sat beside my grandma and held her hand as she was ushered into Heaven.

Somehow they have taught me through death just as they taught me through life, and I am so thankful that God blessed me with the opportunity to be there in those moments.

My remaining grandparents live in Colorado, and through the last year especially, it has been hard to be so far away.

Last August my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery to remove the large lump that was found, as well as several lymph nodes that were also cancerous. Although her outlook was grim, she has been doing surprisingly well, no doubt thanks to the prayers surrounding her.

The last ten months have been a rollercoaster ride for my family and my grandma's health, but through it all my grandpa has been an example of Christ's strength and compassion for his wife of 65 years.

Then last month the results from a routine procedure shocked us all.

My grandpa was diagnosed with colon and stomach cancer. We don't know exactly how advanced it is, and he has chosen to not have surgery in order to maintain his quality of life as long as possible.

I talked to him on the phone a few days after the diagnosis, half expectant to hear a disheartened voice on the other line. As soon as I heard his beaming "Hello!" I couldn't help but cry.

It was the happiest hello I have ever heard in my life....half giggle really.

Only in Christ. That's the only explanation for the joy I heard on the other line.

So, through simple hellos, they are still teaching me.

This summer I have decided that I need to absorb as much wisdom from them as possible. God has changed my plans around, because I believe he wants me to spend some precious time with my grandparents.

I have handed over my responsibilities at Youth for Christ for the summer, and put some hopeful Zimbabwe (travel) plans on hold. It has has not been the easy thing to do in a lot of ways, but at the same time the decision was easy.

As soon as summer school is over I will be on a plane to Colorado, where I will have many more hellos, and many precious moments to hold hands with wisdom.

Bent Down Low

2011-06-04T17:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as I drove to work, I prayed for opportunities to be a blessing. And I prayed for obedience.

Between my prayer and arriving at work, I was given two opportunities. I was obedient in one of them.

Off to a bad start.

Then last night I was given another opportunity. I was obedient, but had a horrible attitude about the task I was given.

Um, hello, I'm the one who asked for this...

Then I read this post, which broke me, maybe more than any other post I have ever read. And then I read it again, and again.

And I cried.

This morning I prayed for opportunities to bend down low.

And after many moments of bending down low, I pray that these moments turn to days, these days to week, these weeks to months...

Until one day I learn to live bent down low.

Today it Happened...

2011-05-31T20:41:00.000-07:00

You will all be happy to know that today it happened...

As I, Miss Independent, was walking back to my car, a kind stranger from across the parking lot came and asked me if he could help load my 44 pound bag of dog food into my trunk.

And I said yes, please, and thank you.

My faith in Community has been renewed.

And, naturally, I thought he was cute. My knight in shining armor.

Then he called me ma'am

The end.

Facing Giants

2011-05-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

If you're wondering what I've been up to lately, this pretty much sums it up:

Yep, I'm the little one.

I've got big dreams for a little community, but there are so many giants in the way.

Time

Health

Money

Fear

Discouragement

Satan has lots of sleazy sneaky weapons. And they keep stacking up higher and higher, bigger and bigger, scarier and scarier.

I have been tempted to give up, to walk away, to cower.

But then I am reminded of a courageous little boy named David and the giant he faced.

And the more I think of him, the more I am reminded of the God he feared and the giant he conquered.

David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands. 1 Samuel 17:45-47

So I am laying this battle into the hands of the Lord Almighty:

The same God who used a boy to slay a giant. The same God who parted the sea. The same God who created the Heavens and the Earth, the oceans and the mountains, the whale and its gentle beauty, the honeybee and its intricacies.

This same God, the Lord Almighty, holds this battle in his hands.

He knows each of his children by name and by heart. Even in the remote villages of Zimbabwe.

He is fighting their battle, ready to give the enemy into our hands.

He's just looking for courageous little girls and boys willing to stand in his name and face the giants.

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it. (Mark Twain) What giants are you facing?

Words: glory

2011-05-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day.

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;

he is to be feared above all gods.

For all the gods of the nations are idols, But the LORD made the heavens.

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place.

Ascribe to the LORD, all you families of nations,

ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.

Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;

bring an offering and come before him.

Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.

Tremble before him, all the earth!

The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;

let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!”

Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;

let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!

Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the LORD,

for he comes to judge the earth.

1 Chronicles 16:23-33

Today...

2011-05-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Ever since I can remember my mom was "29". At each birthday she would turn 29 (again). I have heard people repeatedly say "Oh, to be 29 again." Card companies have created hundreds of thousands of cheesy birthday cards for the whole "29 again" crowd.

All this to say, today I am officially 29. The real 29. And considering this will likely be the year I look back on and yearn for, it's gonna be a good one. No, make that a great one.

I am excited to see how it unfolds, and I am hoping that 29 really does last forever. Because, to state the obvious, next year I will be 30. And that scares the begeebees out of me.

P.S... Considering I have been so super good on my crazy diet, I'm gonna eat one of these:

Happy birthday to me.

Imperfect People

2011-05-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

Good morning friends!

I am so excited to tell you that today I am doing my first ever guest post over at Imperfect People in love with a Perfect God.

I encourage you to not only stop by and read my testimony, but take time to check out the awesome site and read the stories of the many beautiful women who have shared before me. I am honored and humbled to be a part of this ministry, and would like to say a big Thank You to Katie for giving me this opportunity.

Have a blessed day!

Being a Billionaire

2011-05-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

In all honesty, many of the things I write on this blog are things I think about while driving/praying on my 30 minute commute to work.

Today on my drive home I was listening to the radio, and there was a short news piece about a couple of famous young women who are now billionaires.

I've gotta tell ya, my $20,000 a year income cannot even wrap its mind around what a billion dollars even means. And billions of dollars? Can't comprehend, other than I know it means being able to live without the constant worry of what extra jobs I can pick up this week to pay my bills.

So, away with this thought my brain went.

If money was not an issue, what would I do? How would my life be different?

Of course there are the little things. I would pay off my car and student loans. I would throw out several shirts that are ready to go and replace them with new ones. I would go out for a sushi dinner more than once a year. I would fly to Colorado to see my family more often.

On a bigger scale though, I gotta be honest. If I didn't have to worry about money, I would keep the same job I have now, working with autistic kids.

I would continue to volunteer at Youth for Christ, but instead of squeezing in time with my girls when possible, I would buy a house in their neighborhood and quit my extra tutoring jobs so I could be home with my door open when they get out of school. I could bake them cookies and help them with their homework every day. I could hear the little details about their everyday lives instead of once or twice a month updates.

Then summers. Oh, the things I would do with my summers. Since I work at a school, and I wouldn't have to work summer school, I could travel the world. But first I would get my master's degree in Community Development. I would spend the summers building schools in rural areas where there is no formal education, but I would do it in a way that they are community sustainable. (I have ideas, let me tell ya).

And as I continued driving, my ideas expanded. Then I realized that my dreams are not that far away from reality. In some areas I would be able to do the things I love "better," but I wonder at what point my reliance on Christ would turn to reliance on money.

Since I can remember, growing up in a single parent home, each month was lived by faith. There were days we didn't know if we would have dinner, and somehow God always provided.

Yeah, it would be awesome if I had the money to, with the swipe of a card, just pay for the Rural School Project in Zimbabwe. But then I would be missing out on being part of an international community. The members of New Life Church and I would miss out on the act of stepping foward in faith each month to meet the government regulations and time line in the building process. The communities around Binga would miss out on offering their time and talents and sweat in order to give their children an opportunity to break the cycle of poverty. And the kids would miss out on the opportunity to experience through this project the faithfulness and power of Christ, through whom all things are possible.

And all of these things, they can be hard, but they are good. These are the things money can't buy.

I ended my drive with a prayer that if God ever entrusts me with more money, that I will be faithful with each cent I am given, and if he doesn't, that I would do the same. I prayed that I always remember that no matter how much or how little I have, it all belongs to Him. And I thanked Him for always proving himself faithful.

What would you do if you never had to worry about money? How would your life change?

The Women

2011-04-23T15:41:00.000-07:00

As I have read through the gospel accounts of the crucifixion and resurrection this week, I have taken special notice of one thing.

All four accounts are different, touching on different details of this story of ultimate sacrifice, and emphasizing different things in the story. But there is one thing that has stood out to me that all four gospels have in common….one detail that they are all sure to mention:

The women.

If you read through all four gospels, you will see that there was a large crowd of women with Jesus on the day he suffered for our sins.

They were with Jesus as he, beaten and bloodied, carried his heavy cross up the Via Dolorosa. They watched as his physical body gave way and could no longer carry the weight. (Luke 26-27)

The women were there as the guards tore off his clothing and cast lots for his undergarment. They were there as the nails pounded through his hands and feet, as his body cramped from dehydration and pain. (John 19:25, Mark 15:40, Matthew 27:55-56)

The women witnessed Jesus, as he hung dying on the cross, reach out to the criminal next to him. As people spat on him and mocked him, he loved. As a mother watched her son die, as these women watched their Savior suffer, they also watched him tenderly save a lost sheep. (Luke 23:42-43)

As Jesus experienced the ultimate form of humiliation, he showed ultimate humility.

The women were there as, with all his strength, Jesus cried out to his Father God. And the women were there in the moment he breathed his last breath.

In every step of Christ’s suffering, many women walked beside him. They did not have to. Their salvation was surely not at stake. In fact, most of the men who are present throughout the gospels are absent in these few chapters.

It was not an easy thing to do, to walk beside Jesus. But when women have passion, it is fierce, and as we see here, it is unstoppable. It can withstand the mocking and humiliation, intimidation and fear, and likely the hardest of all, the passion of a woman can withstand the sorrow.

Their mission was not to stop the crucifixion, because this was the most crucial event in history. Their mission was to be there: to be with Jesus, to not leave his side.

As Jesus suffered, he looked out into the crowd, and amongst the jeers and the hatred, his eyes met the gazes of those who loved him, those who reminded him of the beauty of salvation amidst all the ugliness of sin.

These women spent much time with Jesus during his life, and they were with him in those sacred moments leading up to his death. In these moments they learned.

They learned love, humility, and strength. These seeds that were already planted in them from creation were grown, and they were in full bloom on this day.

As we know, on the third day Christ rose. As we celebrate this day, the most important day in history, and as we sing praises to our God who sacrificed all, I ask that we, as women, would spend time here.

Here: in the pages of history, on the Via Dolorosa, in the crowd at Golgotha, at the foot of the cross, and at the empty tomb.

Spend time with your savior, gaze into his eyes, and allow him to grow the seeds of your heart. He has given you the mission to walk with the weak, to stand in the midst of fear, to look into the eyes of the suffering, to show humility in the face of humiliation, and to be beauty in a world of ugly.

As you spend more time with him, pray that the passion he has placed in you will become fierce and unstoppable.

Spend time here, and see what blooms.

Beauty Waiting

2011-04-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

See this beautiful girl here?

Her name is Elange.

She dreams of being a doctor.

She is fifteen.

She lives in Haiti where she is currently waiting for a family.

And she needs our help.

According to the Haitian government, she only has a matter of weeks to find a loving family to adopt her.

After that she will be forced to leave her orphanage, and take her chances alone.

Please, visit Somewhere Between Who I Was and Who You're Making Me to read more of Elange's story.

And, please, pass this on. Someone I know surely knows someone who knows someone who is waiting for this very girl to fill an irreplaceable role in their home and heart.

Hummus, Movies, and Mindlessness

2011-04-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

So, after last week's most depressing post ever, I thought I had better check in and let you all know I'm doing better. For the last week I have had an undeniable peace wash over me, and I have no doubt that your prayers, encouragement, and willingness to listen have been a huge part of this.

Thank you.

I have been busy getting back to life as normal, which has included a bit of madness.

Among the highlights, I have spent 3 afternoons with one of the girls I mentor and her boyfriend shopping for prom (we"ll just leave it at that for now :), I bottle fed two baby bobcats (I have friends who volunteer for a wildlife rehab program, and they bring home lots of cool things), I have flown kites with many children, but most of all I have been adjusting to my new diet (this is the madness part).

This diet is specifically designed for women with endometriosis, and from talking to other women who have gone through the stage 4 endo battle that I am now facing, many say this diet has dramatically helped pain levels and the overall advancement of the disease. Its a pretty rough diet, but compared to the harsh and unatural options I have been given, I definitely think it is worth a try.

In this diet there are a lot of nos. No wheat, no soy (which, incase you were wondering, is in everything), no dairy, no refined sugars, no additives or preservatives, no chocolate, no caffeine, no canned or frozen packaged foods, no fried or fatty foods, no red meat...do you want me to keep going?

Basically I think this diet is close to how God intended for us to eat, and I am sure will benefit my overall health even if it is not successful with the pain.

But it's not easy.

This was my lunch today:

Brown rice and lentils topped with spinach and hummus, all organic.

Thankfully I can eat hummus, because hummus makes everything taste better.

I have been experimenting and taste testing, and I gotta say, even though it doesn't look too appealing, this is one of the better things I have eaten this last week.

And, although I love veggies, rice, hummus, fruit, and the handful of other things I am allowed to eat, well, black beans and salsa with rice don't taste quite as good while you are in a room full of people eating pizza and chocolate cake.

So far, I have not noticed much difference with pain levels, but I am only going on day six.

I can tell you that this diet has yet to help with my hormonal mindlessness.

As I left the house this evening to take home a girl I mentor, I told her to remind me to drop off the rental movie on the way. Sure enough, two miles down the road, after she shouted "Movie!" at me about 14 times, I asked her why the heck she was shouting at me (I admit I was looking around thinking someone in a car next to us was watching a movie on one of those seat t.v. things and she was really excited about it). Finally she composed herself and told me in a complete sentence that I passed the movie rental place.

Oh. yeah. Movie. I knew that.

I've noticed things like this have been happening a lot lately, and I am wondering, am I the only one?

Do you guys have any moments of mindlessness you would like to share? Am I the only person who leaves notes to remind myself to put a shirt on before leaving the house? (Not that I would leave the house topless...but in my pajamas or an undershirt...possible).

Please, tell me I'm not crazy!

Also, if any of you are health foodies or secret chefs, I would love help in the diet food recipe department.

(And for those of you with endo, have you tried this diet? Has it worked for you?)

On Days Like Today

2011-04-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

Two years ago when I discovered that the severe pain I was having was an issue involving my ovaries, I had hope. Hope that this issue would go away on its own and leave me healthy and feeling good, and able to have children.

Since then I have had test after test, doctor's appointment after doctor's appointment, and after each one I find my hope has dwindled just a little.

Then two weeks ago I had surgery. Going into surgery I had hope that after all the bad stuff was removed, I would recover and be healthy and feeling good, and be able to have children.

After the surgery I learned that although I kept the good stuff that I need, the bad stuff was everywhere, and that the cause of it is something that comes back. Still, I had hope that after surgery I would recover and be healthy and feeling good for a long time, maybe even years, before it comes back, and that during this time I would be able to have children.

Then today I had my post-op appointment, and lets just say that I came home with what's left of my hope. If I am able to have children, it will be by the grace of God. And either way, with or without being able to carry a child of my own, it's going to be a long and painful road, just living with my diagnosis.

In the beginning of this journey, I found this verse, and since have carried it with me, close to my heart.

"Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord. Isaiah 54:1

I know that God has given me a Mother's Heart, and he has blessed me with many children to love. But to be honest, it is still hard.

I try to 'Sing and shout for joy', and most days I do. But somedays, like today, all I can do is cling to the hope that I have, and cry.

Community at the Water Pump

2011-04-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Dikupita Madzi Ku Mpope....

These are words I will always remember from my time in Malawi. They mean "I am getting water from the water pump"...and in order to run a feeding center for 150 children, you must do this several times a day. In order to help me learn the language of Chichewa (Chiwe), the women at the feeding center in Mponela would constantly ask me what I was doing, and very often, this was the answer.

Getting water from the water pump was a very physical task, but somehow it was an enjoyable task.

The water pump is a source of life for the village. It is where water, an essential for living is found. It is where, at anytime of day, you can go to get water, and meet a friend. It is a place for sharing stories and laughter, but more than that, the water pump is a place to experience community.

After you walk to the water pump and pump the water into your bucket (and if you are an azungu like me are probably already exhausted at this point), you must then get the incredibly heavy bucket of water on your head.

Women carry heavy items on their heads for good reason...once you get it up there, it is much easier to carry, and if it is something like water, it is much easier to carry without spilling.

But first, there is the task of getting it up there.

Although I don't doubt that there are some African super women who are capable of getting the bucket on their head without help, it is a two person job.

As soon as your bucket is full, someone jumps in to help. There is no wait to watch you struggle. There is no wait to see if someone else will step up to help you. There is someone there, helping you lift it and place it centered on your head, with no questions, just a smile.

And although it may be someone you have never met, they are a friend.

The water pump is the center of life for a community, in more ways than one.

Miss Independent

2011-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

Usually, I pride myself in being independent.

If there is something I have my heart set on doing, I do it, even if I can't find anyone to join me. If there is something that needs to be done, I do it, even if I have to do it alone. Even if it sucks.

I'd like to say it builds character.

I travel alone, I have gone to concerts alone, I volunteer alone, and being single have learned to do many things on my own that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. Shoot, I even moved to a foreign country alone.

And, I buy dog food alone.

I know, I know, it doesn't sound like a big deal. But believe me, it kind of is.

I am 5'2", and the bag of dog food I buy stands at about 4'...and weighs 44 pounds. Over the years I have learned to maneuver the huge bag of dog food from the floor of the store up and over the side of my shopping cart, up and out of the cart into my trunk, and up and out of my trunk, through my front door, out my back door, and up and into my dog food bin. In all my stuggles, I have only ripped open the bag on the corner of the cart and spilled 44 pounds of dog food all over the store floor one time.

Yeah, that was a good day.

Anyways, through my dog food struggles over the years, I have noticed many people watch me in sympathy, some of them maybe even tempted to help me, but none ever have. Not one person has ever asked if they could help me lift the bag that is half my size.

That is why yesterday, when I went to the store to get dog food, I knew I was in trouble. Having had surgery 2 weeks ago, 44 pounds is way beyond my weight limit. But thinking of those dozens of times over the years that no one has offered to help, I was hesitant to ask. I didn't want to be a nuisance. So, Miss Independent came out, and I didn't ask for help.

Don't worry, I didn't break doctor's orders. Instead I bought two 8 pound bags of fancy dog food (which together cost the same amount as the 44 pound bag) that I figure will last atleast a few weeks, when maybe I will be able to lift the monster sized bag again. My dog may be happy about me spending a lot more money for the good stuff, but me, not so much.

It makes me wonder, if we lived in a "community" based society, the kind that is a common theme in so much Christian literature nowadays, how things would be different.

Would I be scared to ask a stranger for a little help? Would I even need to ask? Would they even be called strangers?

And maybe, just maybe, if I didn't need to be so independent, I wouldn't be, and that would be okay.

It leaves me thinking...

Maybe rather than building character, independence builds walls.

One Day Without Shoes

2011-04-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days...

Last year's One Day Without Shoes...with my fellow Youth for Christers.

Okay, so maybe it is a little bit due to the fact that I am somewhat of a hippie at heart, but mostly I love it because it is a day to raise awareness about the 300 million children around the world who do not own a single pair of shoes, and the health hazards that accompany that.

Tomorrow (Tuesday, April 5, 2011) is One Day Without Shoes. A day that you get to walk around barefoot as much as possible, get tons of crazy looks from people, and share with them about the children who go without everyday, and how they can help.

One Day Without Shoes is hosted by Tom's Shoes, a for profit company who gives away a pair of shoes to a child in need for every single pair that is purchased. Tom's Shoes also partners with Compassion International, which, if you've been around here very long, you know it is one of my favorite and most respected organizations on planet earth.

If you would like to join us tomorrow, below are some of the facts you will need to know, as well as ways to help.

The Facts (why shoes are a big deal):

*A leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted diseases, which can penetrate the skin through bare feet. Wearing shoes can help prevent these diseases and the long-term physical and cognitive harm they cause.

*Wearing shoes also prevents feet from getting cuts and sores. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected.

*Many times children can’t attend school barefoot because shoes are a required part of their uniform. If they don’t have shoes, they don’t go to school. If they don’t receive an education, they don’t have the opportunity to realize their potential. (taken from http://blog.compassion.com/join-us-for-one-day-without-shoes/)

* According to Samaritan's Feet, approximately one million people die each year due to diseases, parasites, and infections caused by lack of shoes.

Ways to help (awesome organizations who help provide shoes for children in need):

Tom's Shoes- matches pair for pair- one pair of shoes is given away for each pair purchased.

Samaritan's' Feet- blesses people around the world through washing their feet and then providing them with a new pair of shoes.

Shoes for Kids- started by a kid for kids...providing shoes with the love of Christ to children around the world.

The feetsies of some of my Zim kids (they all have shoes now, incase you were wondering :)

I feel privileged to be a voice for kids around the world, and I hope that you will take this opportunity to speak up as well!

Have you ever gone One Day Without? Do you plan on going One Day Without tomorrow? Any great, funny, or just plain embarrassing One Day Without stories to share? Here is my experience from last year's One Day Without Shoes.

Dangerous

2011-04-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

Worship: (as defined by Mark Labberton in his book The Dangerous Act of Worship)

"The dangerous act of waking up to God and to the purposes of God in the world, and then living lives that actually show it."

How do you worship?

Breaking the Cycle

2011-03-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

This photo is more than just a picture.

Like I said this morning, this photo represents something that is amazing, beautiful, exciting, and a dream come true.

It is amazing because it is the result of hard work,

determination,

and the sacrifice

of many.

It is beautiful because it is the beginning.

Beginning of change

and new opportunities

for an entire community.

It is exciting because

I was part of this

and you were part of this.

We were part of making this dream come true.

And in February these children attended their first day of school here.

Which was their first day of school ever.

With a little help from money I raised, a lot of help from a local Zimbabwe church congregation, and this community of villages, we were able to start school for these rural families almost immediately. But this is just the beginning. These coverings are meant to be temporary. Permanent bathrooms have already been built, and we are hoping to build a permanent school here that will serve many generations to come.

Currently this school is giving 159 students first time educations, and I am told that there are more than 1,000 children from surrounding villages who are in need and waiting to attend as well.

These communities are amongst the poorest in Zimbabwe. They are set apart down dirt paths that are complicated to travel on.

Many children among the current students are orphaned, and are trapped in a cycle of poverty.

But we are equipping them with tools that will enable them to

rise above and break the cycle of poverty.

Over the last three months I have been able to build a trustworthy relationship with New Life Church in Zimbabwe, who was given the vision of building this school. I am still working on joining with a non-profit ministry here to raise funds through, but I could not keep my secret any longer.

More information will be coming soon. Until then I ask that you would be praying about this opportunity to bring education to these villages, and that you would be searching your hearts to see if there is a way you would like to take part in this blessing.

A Dream Come True

2011-03-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

Can anyone tell me what makes the following photo amazing, beautiful, exciting, and a dream come true?

Okay, so here's a clue:

Any guesses?

Medicine for the Soul

2011-03-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

I came home from surgery yesterday to my own little personal bouquet of sunshine.

Thank you April, they are beautiful.

I also found find this little note from Zimbabwe in my email:

We are praying for you so that you have a successful surgery, we have declared this day a day of prayer and fasting. Remember The LORD says 'Be still and know that I am LORD'. Psalm 103vs3 says; The Lord forgives our sins, heals us when we are sick and protects us from death.

Amen to that!

Thank you all for you prayers and encouragement. The surgery went well. They took out a lot of bad stuff (a lot more than they expected to be in there), and they were able to leave in all the good stuff (my ovaries). If you want all the details, leave me your email address. Just don't want to gross anyone out :)

The Way to a Girl's Heart

2011-03-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were little and you would carefully hand select assorted flowers and weeds and then present them to your mom like they were a diamond necklace?

Well, today one of my students spent his recess carefully sifting through the weeds on the playground.

Then he said, "Happy Saint Patrick Miss Allen," and he proudly gave me this:

It's the sweetest bouquet a boy has ever given me. (I wish I could say I was being sentimental and sweet when I say that, but really, it's the truth).

Diamonds are so overrated.

Weird.

2011-03-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

You know what's weird? Me actually writing posts two days in a row.

But that's not what I want to talk about.

Here's the deal.

I am having surgery and would love your prayers.

There....I said it. I don't know why I have had such an issue with sharing my health problems with you all, because I know that among you there are many prayer warriors and friends.

I actually sat down yesterday to tell you about my surgery, and somehow it became a really lame story about a flashlight.

Consider my blog just another victim of my hormonal mindlessness.

How does a surgery post turn into a story about a flashlight? The same way I fall asleep in the park, or go the entire day with my shirt on inside out, or drive halfway to work before I realize that it is Saturday, and I am suppose be going somewhere else.

Long story short, I have lots of stuff inside of me that shouldn't be there....specifically on my ovaries. In hopes to avoid surgery, they have been experimenting on me. I have been on four different varieties and strengths of hormones over the last year or so, and other than giving me hot flashes and making me completely nuts, they have done no good.

Last week one of my doctors told me I was just weird. Unfortunately she was not talking about my personality.

On Friday, March 25th, I will be having surgery to remove cysts and tumors, and I would be so grateful for your prayers. They are also hoping that surgery will give a little more clarity as to what exactly is going on inside my body.

It feels good to have that out there.

I have to admit that I am worried about getting anxiety over this. Man, I have problems. But really, so far I am feeling okay, and am ready to get answers.

Thanks for listening,

A Two Dollar Torch and Other Nonsense

2011-03-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

The day before I left for Zimbabwe I remembered that, although the lodge where I stay has electricity, it is sketchy at best.

So I went to buy a flashlight.

The price range jumped from $2 to $20, and because I am cheap I paid the 2 bucks and didn't give it another thought.

The flashlight was satisfactory in my little room when the electricity went out. It gave me enough light to brush my teeth, read my Bible, write in my journal, and check my bed for centipedes. You know, all the important things.

I am happy to say that for the most part I had gone my entire trip anxiety free. If you remember, I asked for prayer about anxiety shortly before I left. It was a new world to me to feel gripping fear over little things, and I was unsure how to deal with it to say the least. But I am happy to say that God answered prayer, and that throughout my journey I was anxiety free....

for the most part.

That is other than day two... when I was walking home (back to the lodge) from Tecla's house. At night. No street lamps. By myself. With a $2 flashlight.

If I haven't mentioned, the area I stay in is part of the national reserve. Meaning there are lots of wild animals. Lions, baboons, elephants, lions, warthogs, hippos, lions, kudu, water buffalo, lions, and did I mention

LIONS.

Lets just say that the 10 minute walk seemed about 3 hours that night. And a $2 flashlight....not satisfactory for scanning the bushes for lions waiting to pounce in the Zimbabwe night.

When I reached the lodge the guard helped me push open the gate, looked behind me, looked at me like I was crazy, and said, "You are without escort?" I told him yes, and realized that although I had walked that same path at night and alone countless times in the past, that I was probably crazy for doing so.

The next thing he told me was that my torch was smart.

In translation, that means that he liked my flashlight.

(In Africa the word smart is equivalent to nice, clean, pretty, handsome, happy, and is a wonderful compliment. For example, if you like the way someone is dressed, you would tell them that they look very smart. This concludes your Africa 101 lesson.)

As my little $2 flashlight led me to my room, I passed another guest at the lodge, and he too told me my torch was smart. I had to chuckle, because all I could think about moments before was that I would soon be devoured by a lion soley because I had chosen that stupid $2 flashlight over the $20 one.

In reality, I know that no matter the strength of my flashlight, it would not have saved me from a lion. Everyone knows that lions attack from behind and go straight for the spinal cord. But needless to say, I realized that I am not quite as courageous as I was a few years backs (exhibit A), and I opted to head home from Tecla's house at sunset the remainder of my visit.

I left my smart two dollar torch as a gift to the night guard along with some extra batteries. I think he will appreciate it much more than I.

(I know I got you all worked up about my "big announcement"...well, its still coming, but there are some things I have to organize before I can reveal it. But, because many of you have emailed thinking I am adopting or moving, I will burst that bubble and say it's not that big. It has to do with a new project...and that's all I'll say...)

(Oh, and sorry this post went nowhere fast, I didn't make any of the points I was hoping to, but that is how my mind is working nowadays.)

Lately...

2011-03-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

Less than two years ago I was doing this:

Last week I climbed up the jungle gym to show one of my students how to slide down the pole,

And I chickened out....

Whats happening to me?

Sharing is Caring

2011-02-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

On Saturday I spent the day with Dulce, one of the girls I mentor.

I went to the bank, then went to her house and picked her up. We stopped by to say hi to a couple other kids. We went to Sonic and had sodas. We went to the $3 theater and watched the new Chronicles of Narnia. We went and got a pizza. We came to my house to hang out.

Then she told me my shirt was on inside out.

So, because sharing is caring, I thought I'd pass onto you some share worthy things.

*Come Together Trading Company is a Christian based company which sells fair trade items from around the world. They have beautiful, handmade, and unique items that would make the perfect gifts. Here are a few of my favorite items.

Global Mamas Headband- made in Ghana

Guatemalan Scarves- made in Guatemala

Pakko Tote Bag- made in India

*Compassion International is raising money to help send one of their children to the special olympics. Compassion Can represented Emilda's story so well. Please take time to read it! You will be blessed.

*For those of you who followed my series on The Persecuted Church, and especally the story of North Korea, Inside North Korea is an eye-opening documentary released by National Geographic. None of the information in the documentary was necessarily new to me, but seeing pictures and videos of the people behind the stories really shook me. It is hard to watch at points, but this documentary brings light to darkness that Satan would love to remain hidden.

*Conspiracy of Hope is raising money to support IJM and My Refuge House. Click here to help bring healing and restoration for the victims of sex trafficking.

I hope you will take time to check these things out!

God Bless,

Bitter Sweet

2011-02-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

I just checked my Compassion account, and I found this:

My oldest child, Dilsly

This picture makes me happy because:
~ Getting new pictures always makes me happy
~ She looks so grown up and beautiful
~ That outfit was a birthday present from me
~ She has such a big smile
~ I love her

This picture makes me sad because:
~ She is so grown up
~ She is in her last year of sponsorship
~ This will be my last updated picture of her...ever
~ And I love her

I know that soon I will be letting go and trusting her into the hands of our Father (who has been holding her all along). It is a wonderful thing because she will be graduating college with her degree in engineering. She will enter the work force and likely marry (prayerfully) a Christian man.

And she will break the cycle of poverty in her family.

This next year I will be pumping her full of as much love and encouragement as possible. I will hold on to all the letters and pictures she has sent me throughout the years. And especially the day we spent together.

But still, I will miss her like crazy.

Man, this love thing is hard.

If you would like to break the cycle of poverty and become a sponsor for a child in need, check out Compassion International. A child is waiting for you.

The Gift of Life

2011-02-17T19:47:00.000-08:00

In Africa it is said that

Water is life.

Here, in a place where such a resource is so readily available that we literally flush it down the toilet, it is hard to fathom our every minute of waking existence revolving around obtaining enough of it just to live.

But in many places, and for many people, it does.

Often times children cannot attend school because their hours of daylight are spent hauling water. Mothers cannot help bring in income or care for their home because of the strenuous and long labor that attaining water requires. And many times this water, this life that they work so hard to obtain, is tainted with death.

Here are the facts:

~One in six people on the planet do not have access to clean water. That is about one billion people.

~Every minute three children die from unsafe drinking water.

~Right now half of the people in developing countries are suffering from water related illness.

~Access to clean water can transform an entire community by cutting child death rates in half and dramatically decreasing hours of labor.

~$20 can provide clean water for one person, and literally change their life.

Let me say that last one again:

~$20 can save someone's life.

That is where we come.

My awesome friend, Cathrine and her husband have been saving and sacrificing for several months to build a well for a community in Africa. (For more information how this well is going to benefit its community, please check this out.)

Although the cost of building a well seems like a huge and daunting task to many of us, Cathrine stepped up in faith. And because of her faith, many many lives will be transformed and saved.

There are only 54 days left for Cathrine and her husband Joshua to reach their goal, which means there are only 54 days left for you to join in and take part in being a blessing.

If you would like to give a precious person the gift of life you can donate through My Charity Water here.

God Bless,

Blogging Responsibly

2011-02-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

You may (or may not) have noticed that lately my posts have been fewer and farther in between.

I just want to let you all know that I still love you, and I am still here, but I am taking a few steps back.

In the last couple of months I have just had a feeling of "meh" come over me. You know, the mood that sucks you in and makes it nearly impossible to escape. Well, that "meh" has captured me and has left me feeling completely unmotivated.

Which has left a huge pile of "things to do" stacking up higher and higher on my desk.

I think it started out as a time to stop and breathe because I "deserved" it after the rush of planning for and going to Zimbabwe. But that time to breathe just kept going, and procrastination and laziness ensued. Then, of course, there was the spit in my face. And feeling wounded on top of the "meh," that really did me in.

You see, I try to blog about things that are important, and most of the time I think I am successful. But I realized a couple weeks ago that blogging has enabled my procrastination and avoidance.

Because, really, wouldn't you rather come home and read through all the interesting things your internet friends did that day than sit and pay bills? Wouldn't you rather post pictures about what you ate for dinner than do your taxes? Wouln't you rather take an uncomitted peak into someone else's life than have those hard conversations?

So, this last week I decided to take a stand. I decided to conquer that pile of things to do. And among that pile I have found that there are some very important things I have been neglecting. Things that shouldn't even be in my "things to do" pile, because they should be priorities.

Friends that have been needing a shoulder to cry on.

Compassion kids waiting anxiously for a letter.

A group of junior high girls (soon to be high schoolers!) needing to hear and feel that they are beautiful.

Grandparents waiting by the phone.

Children in Africa waiting for...well, I'll have to tell you about that one later. My big announcement is not quite ready to be revealed :)

The thing is, people, if I blog about things that are important, but neglect the important people in my own life, I am doing more damage than good.

I have had several friends quote me to me lately (you know who you are), and it has held a mirror up to my face. Ultimately, even my most important relationship- the one with the Father- has suffered. It is time to refocus. I need to be living the message before I can continue writing it.

So, as I get my life caught up and my relationships back in order, I will be on from time to time. But, I will not be blogging as an excuse to escape something else.

This is life, people. Get away from the computer, shake off the "meh," and live it.

A Picture of Humility

2011-02-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

If you do a quick internet search of the words "Christian," "Muslim," and "Egypt," you will find story upon story of persecution, specifically that of Christians. Google will suggest words such as "clash" or "tension" to assist your search.

This knowledge only makes the following photograph more beautiful:

Christians creating a protective barrier around praying Muslims in Egypt

The situation in Egypt right now is rough, to say the least. People have become desperate for change, and are willing to sacrifice to make that change a reality.

You could say that this picture portrays unity and hope for the country. But to me it reveals the humility of Christ, and how we, as Christians, are to be an example of that humility.

Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them; pray that God will bless them.

Romans 12:14

Because Everyone Deserves a Little Fancy Once in Awhile

2011-02-06T22:01:00.000-08:00

Today one of my coworkers blessed me with a wonderful little treat! Since neither of us were very interested in the super bowl, and she had a gift card to one of the nicest restaurants in town, we went on what we like to call a mini vacation.

She asked me to go because recently we have really been working our hineys off at work, and she knew I could use a little fancy in my life.

We went to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (which I had never heard of, but is apparently very well known), and I have to say it is the most expensive and fancy restaurant I have ever eaten at times two.

Although I would never actually pay the amount they charge for food, I have to say it was very yummy.

I had the ceasar salad and she had the house salad...

Followed by blackened salmon, mushrooms, and garlic mashed potatoes

Salmon is one of my favorite foods on the planet, and theirs was exceptionally yummy.

And last, but not least, was cheese cake and dark chocolate wedges topped with almonds and sea salt.

It was nice to have a reason to dress up and have adult conversation.

Thank you "Mrs. Kipp!"

aka "Miss Allen"

She Becomes...

Just a Nudge

Letting Go

Just Call Me Meemaw

The List

Confessions part 5

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Slumber No More

The Women- Best of 2011

Double the Blessing

Still

Cracking Open Steel Doors

Sometimes I Actually Know What I'm Talking About

The Things We Can't Take With Us

The Day of Small Things

Accidental Latitude

Not Too Late

Bears Beware

World Changers

Why Diamonds are NOT This Girl's Best Friend

Oh, The Sweetness

As Seasons Change

What Hate Can Do

Expose the Ugly

Too.Stinkin.Hot.

A Little Faith

Overwhelmed

Fishers of Men

The Death of the Doggy Paddle

Bloggy Awards, Shout-Outs, and Confessions part 4

Not That I'm a Super Hero or Anything...

Confessions part 3

Adventures in Owling

The Way She Laughs

Helpless...

Confessions part 2

A Special Day for a Special Girl

A Day in the Life

Sometimes I Have to Remind Myself

Perfect Timing

Introducing Bethany

Hold Him Closer

Pop a Squat

And the Winners Are...

Good ol' Google

Why You Should Wear Your Glasses...Especially in the Woods

Confessions

Beautiful Giveaway

Today...

Oh, Deer

*Crickets Chirping*

Summertime Tradition

A Nation is Born

The Perfect Accident

Cleaning Out Closets

A Cup of Coffee

The C Word

Word to the Wise

Oh, Dear

A Winner and a Wish

Daily Bread

Excuse My Puddle

Learn a Little, Win a Little~ A Giveaway

Learning Through Hellos

Bent Down Low

Today it Happened...

Facing Giants

Words: glory

Today...

Imperfect People

Being a Billionaire

The Women

Beauty Waiting

Hummus, Movies, and Mindlessness

On Days Like Today

Community at the Water Pump

Miss Independent

One Day Without Shoes

Dangerous

Breaking the Cycle

Crickets Chirping